V-day (vol.2)

MORNING PEEPS!
*yawns*
Am in a very excited mode right now,

happy and grateful...

(Never felt so motivated to write a blog before...)

*sneaky sneaky*
Warning: this is gonna be a slightly long-winded post...but i guess gals love details and guys love the big picture...and i have both....so...XD

Anyways, let's get straight to the point, 

it was Valentines day yesterday and yeah, 

I had a blast!
It wasn't as "grand" like last year...

with all the dramatic U-turns to Port Dickson,

tryna fly a kite in mid night but failed,

yet oh-so-sweet confession valentines...
 

But I must say...

Mr.Rocker never failed to pull a trick out of his hat. 

It was expectedly unexpected!
*ironic I know* 

So let's rewind things back...

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.

.

Wasn't feeling the Valentine's mood to be honest,

'cause like what HE said

Valentines day is sucking your money day! 

*true though*
I wasn't looking forward for candle light dinner

or bouquet of roses...

But I did look forward for a surprising and excited evening.

And like a hokkien saying:

"要大便才来找厕所"
describes me best.
It was 15 minutes before he came to pick me up, 

baru I panicked to decide what I wanna wear,

should I make up or not?

When I chose a black blouse, Miss Lau Chun Sia even sarcastically commented:

" You nak pergi hiking is it?"

LOLZ...
Roommie Mei Yi kept persuading me to wear dress,

even to the extend of pleading me to be more lady-like...

*guys, now you know more or less the chaos going on in a gal's bedroom*

IN THE END...

I just chose to wear a long cat-printed shirt with snake leggings...

Well since Zau is Mr. Gorilla-Lion,

why can't I be Miss Ca-Snake?
=P

Same as last year, he was late by 15.5mins,

but this time no surprising rose delivery to my door steps.
It's fine. *clutch fist*  

=)
Pulled down the passenger seat's mirror, 

No card fell down to my lap...

Zau gave me a cunning smile...

It's fine too...*sharpens knife*

 =)

All I saw by then was a packet of Twisties in the back seat.

Then, he handed me my camera left in his place few days ago

and then no more...

I was like: "takkan?????"
But then when I opened up camera bag,
there was THIS welcoming my very sight:

(yes, that's the Tina Fey Bossypants underneath...lol) 

He wrote:
"...recently listened to a great sermon by Pastor Kevin. ' Blue Jeans and Pink Sandals'..." 

I went ROLF!!
WHY??
1. The actual name of the relationship sermon is " Pink Heels and Blue Jeans"!
2. He was sweet enough to find a card that actually has blue jeans and pink SANDALS
3. He glued the sandals on his own.

Summore got love drawings from a rocker...

The rest of the details are P&C...
=X

After the laughs and jokes, 

he popped a question:

" So, what we gonna have for dinner? Tony Romas, Pasta Zanmai or Carl's Junior?"
In my heart sreams "CARL's JUNIOR!!!!"

But then to be more "valentines",

I said, why dont we go Pasta Zanmai???

But then when we went there, the counter person told us they were fully booked.

And I dunno why both of us were smiling widely to each other 

and happily headed to Carl's Junior...

It was our 2nd Valentine's date in CJ's...

So last night we officially declared CJ as our fav V-day spot. 

Baru kali kedua sudah syok sendiri sangat...

Somehow there are so many great memories between us in CJ...

Portobello Mushroom burger is my ultimate fav!
Look at 'em fries, slurp!

*the HULK bf*
"Dont snatch mine or I'll give you the fatal punch!"

Sweet enough, he remembered my favourite side dish,

ONIONS...muahahahah

See, its juicy enough from the pictures...what more when it enters your watery mouth

and starving tummy??
*paradise*

CJ...faster find me to be your ambassador! 

*pleading*

Too bad they were out of tea...

or else it would be double paradise. 

And I bought him a V-day gift!
Tickets to Avril Lavinge's concert!
Since her concert is on 18th Feb, 

which is also our 1 year anniversary, 

so this gift serves as V-day and anniversary gift...

一举两得...hehe
He was reluctant to receive it initially,

but with my sharp and intimidating stare, he "gladly" accept it.

See how he is blushing after getting it...
*evil gf grin*

SO,

last year he took to me Port Dickson...

I was thinking where else this year?

PUTRAJAYA!

One of my fav spot to be away from the hectic city.

According to Zau, they had their festival lights on last night...
So it was really a nice view there...

plus it was so quiet and peaceful there...

Cant get a nice view while we're under the bridge.
Paiseh...
The bridge changed colours randomly,

and while I was snapping pics,

Zau was observing the light systems
and every technical things that has to do with his electrical profession.
I love that quality from him actually...职业病 at his best...
*passionate man...i mean Gorian*

Imagine lar...its like going overseas 

or being somewhere else in Malaysia...

LOL...jokes.
But I do felt very different whenever I come to Putrajaya,

cz the streets are so NEAT (tak berlubang), 

and CLEAN.
Hardly found any rubbish on the ground, 

and even the street lights and traffic lights so artistic ler...

Got curves and designs...

unlike the mundane looking ones we see everyday. =.=
How I wish everywhere in Malaysia could be so nicely designed.
with all the façade and landscape lighting...etc
(saje nak show off technical terms learned from him)
=P 

Ok ok,

enough will all the dreaming and imagination...

and after all the walk walk and talk talk...

(macam orang tua tua sudah....)
We left the bridge cz too many ppl...lolz.
*sneaky sneaky*
He apologized for not preparing any presents,

and I actually bought into his lies...

*slams head*

Yes, I was disappointed and a lil grudgy 

maybe cz he did such a great job last year and this year was like down the sea in comparison...

(GUYS!! Better dont do so well initially, cz when the next year/time comes, 

you'll have to live up to your standards...ahahhaa)
But when we stopped in a quieter place,

he gave a sinister smile and said:

" Actually I got a gift for you lar, it's at the back" 

0.0  

Then you can imagine, fist and punches to his face.

(figuratively...not literally)
Proud of his success to fool me,

he pulled out this red-wrapped box to me.

He said it's breakable...
I was guessing:

Glass accessories?

Glass souvenirs?? (mind think too straight)
SMART PHONE???

Then, to my freaking surprise

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.

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IT'S THE AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020!!
 (for those of you who dont know, its a recording mic!)

I purposely dont wanna edit this pic cz wanna show you i was so touched till I struggle to take a nice pic
*denial XD*

Gorian awarding the ultimate gift to me!
He's in teary eyes...=P

For some people, you might think I'm being a lil too overreacting or high profile about this matter...
But for what you might not know, 

is that I've been craving for this since quite some time.

Last 2 weeks, while I was gonna  get the USB version of the AT2020,

I was 3 times stopped by the CK, SMX and Search Music sdn bhd salesman...

I was advised to buy a recording interface first then the mic with integral 3-pin XLRM type

(I'm also in my baby steps in this technical matter >.<'''')

Imagine coming this close to getting something you want,

and yet realizing that you're rushing things too fast

and there's a few steps to achieving it...

summore its all about the money money money...

(fuuuuyoh)
I was kinda desperate and down that time...

cz it's gotta take a few more months of saving up before I could purchase this babe...
And before I knew about this gift,
I spent away RM200 of my mic savings to buy Zau the concert tix...

So you can understand that in my heart I was having a lil battle.

But I couldn't bare to leave him alone at home for our anniversary. 

So I thought the mic could wait...

Ironically...

there it was, in my hands.

Freaking insanity to take in at the moment. 

He told me that this mic is part of realizing my big dream,

and it will be a blessing to people and myself.

So he invested and gifted it to me.

There was no teary eyes back then (now abit...)
but a great big smile on my face. 

To know that he spent RM 4xx on this shizz...

and all the trouble to get it...

wow...I felt so overwhelmed and grateful. 

(Tralalalal!!!)

To have someone sharing the same faith,

same vision 

and passion

is something I could ever ask for from God.

And they all come in one package...

Mr. GORIAN WONG CUNG ZAU!!

I suka giler you!

V-day,

yeah its money sucking day...

but it's also a day of pleasant surprises...

a special day to feel special again...

Who says it's overrated for the love-birds?

It is if you blindly fall into those commercial tricks...

V-day

was a time for me to flash back what we've been through the whole year,

the UPs and DOWNs,

Meows and cows...

and how on earth we got together in the 1st place? 

I'm blessed and grateful to find not just a bf,

a bff

but also a soulmate..

someone who knows me better than I do myself,

someone who loves the things I love doing,

someone who doesn't doubt me even when everyone and myself does...

an amazing guy who stands so firm for me...that I know I have a great friend when I'm in need.
and the list goes on enough for me to write a new song!
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.

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V-day vol.2,

not much sugar rush like last year,

yet sufficient amount of sweetness to make me get a tooth ache again.

Quote myself from last year:

"I believe 

that we will get better and better in time"

http://jocelynstemilyn.blogspot.com/2011/03/my-first-love.html

I heart you silly Gorian!!

Conquer Me

Kill me in my consciousness

and rip my heart away

take my soul and feed it to the preys

Many times i've stumbled

upon marshmellow stones

and it hurts so deep though there's nothing to bleed

Who am I to say

I;m done with this race

when you're still placing faith in me

Let the thorns tear my lips

Scattered glass pierce my skin

But I wont ever let the poison in

Its hard to take this harsh breath in

but I have the liberty to set myself free

from all these things

that wish to conquer me

Trapped

Stuck in the 16th floor

you got no where to go

With no water and food

its you on your own

And you cant break through the doors

cz the key aint yours to hold

Gotta find a way find a way

to breakthrough these four walls

I gotta stop lazing around my nest

gotta learn to spread my big tiny wings

Since i cant break through this door, 

why wont shall I fly away?

Maybe if I fall

someone may catch me and take me to higher heights

and I'll leave

the place I've been left behind

.

.

.

.

yet right now

this height is something I cant bare

still right nowI'll just sing untill my dear prince charming comes his way

After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was...

Had so much time to spare yesterday,

so I came up with this Mistletoe inspired eye make up...

It has been so long since I played with make up since...i dunno when 

it was alot of fun just drawing on my face yet...

looking fab...whee! 

I bet when you read the title you might think of this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjn3RpkcKY&ob=av2e

Amboih...i'm not a fan but that song is quite nice...

Anyways,

 this make up is my symbol of missing people that you love during this festive season.

Christmas is about sharing,giving and the love of Jesus Christ...

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to celebrate this BIG day with close ones..

initially...=P

So, in the beginning I thought "Its gonna be lonely lonely Christmas for me"

and I might as well just squander in self-pity

and probably write some super emo song that might get my some attention on youtube

then who knows...become famous like Zee Avi??? 

The fantasy goes on and on...bla bla bla...

For 21 years of my life, this would be the official 1st time

I'm NOT celebrating Xmas in my hometown, Perlis...

and its also the 1st time I'm not doing performances or organizing anything

(before this I'm always really busy preparing programmes in church etc...)

BUT this year...its like a very relax and empty Christmas for me...

I felt so hollow and lost.

Worst still, my boy went off to a family trip...leaving me behind.

Just to let y'all know, 

I made a terrible prayer last year. 

Since last Christmas, I felt so exhausted and tired of the cliche programmes

and my parents trying to get my do everything in church...

its like the youth who stayed too long in the city has to do everything...

I felt kinda lost for the whole Christmas thingy...

So when I was on the way back to KL,

I made a prayer that by the following year (2011) I wanna have Christmas somewhere else!

and TADAH! 

Here I was, alone in my hostel. LOL

Be careful with what you wish for people...

But, God is good.

I have friends who have plans to do busking and invited me,

BBQ parties....

and the very very LAST MINUTE,

a text from Henna, my best friend who was back from UK.

wow...I'm not that alone after all.

You gotta understand one thing,

that although I've always seemed to be jolly happy and surrounded by many friends...

I've always have the thought that people just treat me as a sidekick..

you know, like the "kalefe" in the movies of their lives...

I never feel important in somebody else's life...

sometimes even to ppl damn close to me...

I'm still in my rehab process...

ANYHOW,

that's the secret to how I get my inspiration to write songs. HAHAHA!

EMO SIAL...

Getting to spend my Christmas eve night with Henna and the family

having pillow talks and watching TV,

teasing The X factor USA's host...

etc...I had a simple yet heart-warming Xmas eve.. =) 

LOVE!!

The next day, get to spend my Christmas at ACTS church

and the TAN families were there to gather together...

Serene, Henna and I got to gather together too!

Too bad missing out another bestie, Chucky!!

Oh well...

Just chilling out and spending the noon with them was awesome...

Unfortunately, time spent went a lil overboard,

I was late for the busking plan... aiks...

Hope there'll be one for next year.

All in all, 

this is not a very exciting blog about Christmas.

But quite a heart-warming one.

=)

Thank God for great people in my life 

and the love from HIM no matter what the circumstances.

This year, instead of hustling around and getting myself lost in business

I got to slow down my footsteps and reflect back 2011.

Embracing a better 2012.

Whee!

After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was extraordinary...

but I still miss my family at this time. ><''

The Other Side of Me...

Today you've found the other side of me...
You're afraid to see me being like this...its abnormal and torturous...
You hate to see me like this...

You said " I fear you"
in my heart I say "I fear me too"
=(   its not like something I can change within a spin or after a sunrise...
I wish there was a better way.

Sometimes,
I fear me...after shutting the doors behind reality...
I hate myself...for faking a smile, a laughter...
I disguised myself with layers of mask, clothings to cover something I'm hiding...
I disgusted my own voice, my own inspiration...me,myself and I...

I'm not some average robotic kind gentle generous gal...
I have my flaws too...
Will you accept me as who I am?
Or will you choose the exit sign?


As I shut the doors behind reality...
I fear to enter my fantasy...

My Lil Love Life (so far)...

Few more days to go and it's gonna be our 10th month together...

TIME FLIES!

(Seriously it felt like 2/3 months to me only)

Looking back, so many pages flipping by...

I must say we've been through quite alot lately...

There we have the good,bad and ugly times spent together...

Speaking about the ugly...

I remember there was once we really got into a "cold war",

and I've never ever seen him so mad before...

Turning his back against me just made me wanna run back and hug him tight...

Yet sometimes, pride is the factor which held us back...

Pride drew back the magic word "I'm sorry" away

But I really thank God that every time we fought or got into a conflict,

we're able to deal with it as soon as possible...

Each time I could see that he was afraid to hurt my heart and wants to make amends

So do I.

As cheesy as I would say: It was love that brought us back.

There was also the FUN and MANIS times...

From sharing our passion for music, performing, jamming, EATING (you can see how much i've developed in shape) and making funny noises in the car...

Zau is more than anything I can ask for a boyfriend and partner.

He's not just someone who laughs with me,

or do silly dances with me,

but he is like my family.

I'm grateful that he's so supportive in everything I'm doing,

always there to pray and cheer for me...

and he doest not resist to point out my mistakes whenever I'm wrong...

He meant well.

Music was the main factor that brought us together.

I'm always excited to be a part of his performances or practises.

Watching him play the guitar and totally enjoying music really vibes me up!

I love the fact that we pray together backstage before rocking it. =D

Also, I enjoy the times when we watched youtube together (whether its music related or 康熙来了) and exchange thoughts.

Then the best part is jamming out!

Whee~

From playing rock songs to jamming Beyond's song to singing Faye Wong's ballad,

(though rockers dont really sing ballads but...oh well)

those were great times =) 

I've found not just a good partner, but a music-lover lover. XD

So far this relationship taught me to understand each other,

to discover different sides of us,

to solve conflicts (which I hate for it to ever happen),

to care,

to be supportive,

to strive to be a better companion,

to express my affections not just to one another but to others too,

to get to know myself as well...

most importantly,

I've learned to love.

I know 10 months doesnt mean anything compared to 10 years,

and 10 years is nothing compared to eternity...

That's why I'm hoping for the better to come.

We're still in our baby steps in this relationship, 

yet i'm savouring every bit of it.

Every step is a lesson,

every leap brings growth.

Frankly I'm fearful of what may happen in the future,

but somehow my heart is rest assure that as long as we continue to trust

and work things out....

and lastly put our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ...

This relationship will stand strong through the worst storms.

I heart you silly guy. Meow!

A Wilted Rose

New leafs will somehow fall to the ground

Red roses will someday loose it's charm

It hard to live a legacy forever

or hold that polite mask infront of you.

Your true colours will be shown

somehow someday anyway...

So much rage and anger within

Oh how could I ever reach your heart?

When two subjective thoughts collide,

who are we to decide?

If the rage continues,

If we would just stay still

Not doing a thing, 

holding aback for each other...

We'll always be like a wilted rose

A wilted rose.