Friday, October 29, 2010

Smile : )

  I have to admit...
feeling kinda melancholic today.
Was spending some time with the seniors from the song-writing sociey...
From our conversations...
I felt that somehow......
that 1st place I achieved was just mere luck.

No, I dont believe in luck.
I guess I was a little more fortunate that day.
Have to be grateful still.

I have to much to learn and improve.
and I'm feeling so pressured and tension.
Pursuing originality and uniqueness,
trying to write the right tune that shouts myself.

Browsing some of my pics,
its funny...
cz I make myself smile!

Discovered a new singer today,
Mindy Gledhill.

First heard her song "Whole Wide World"
Immediately I was strucked!
Everyword, every verse speaks so similar to my heart.
"I wanna hold the whole wide world, right here in my open hands.
Maybe I'm just a little girl, a little girl with great big plans"


Then there's "Hourglass"
" When you reach for the stars, dont forget who you are.
Please dont turn around and grow up way too fast.
See the sand in my grasp, from the first to the last.
Every grain turns into the memory of the past.
 Oh,life's an hour glass."

I love indie kinda songs.
and the lyrics isnt hard to digest,
it speaks straight to my soul.

Just couldnt help but smile even more.

You know,
its ok to feel defeated once in a while.
Just gotta know how to get back on track and strive on.
I know there's many trying to pull me down,
also many behind me, backing me up...

Most importantly,
I own the promise from my Father above.
His words are true and never failing.
I hold on to it,
and I believe somehow, someday...
I'll also be that girl singing songs inspiring others...
bringing smiles to another's face.

: )

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Finaly got some time to slow down
and write some shizz here...

Its been a tiring and stressful week...
The show is a week later and things are starting to get tense...
much more stressful than my previous zebra act...
I deeply understood the amount of PAIN in the ass for a stage manager...

with all the exams, group works and events coming up,
all demanding for 100% commitment...
I'm totally wear off.

So many 100% to commit...
how could I ever do so?
There are some which I felt like it too late?
argh...whose to blame?

All this while,
I've been acting as if I can handle all this business and stress...
but clearly today I felt otherwise...
Though my face reflects the fatigueness and the lack-of-sleep syptoms,
but I keep a positive attitude to deal with things one step at a time...

But today...
huuu....after a crappy morning....
All I wanna do was SLEEP...
but i realize...I hardly have the time to do so...

I really wanted to tell somebody or anybody,
verbally that " I AM TIRED!!!"
but I dont wanna show people that I'm weak or
maybe they'll say "Serve you right for being too active"
so...I'll just BLURT everything out here and I'll be fine...

I guess...

Well, so much for the rants...
its time to get back straight up and fix things one at a time...
I know I might sound foolish or pathetic or whatever you wanna think about me...
but once I've taken the responsibility,
I learned that I have to accomplish it till its done...

15mins to the next task...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

As Much As I...

I wont tell the time
but just so you know that it is late
I've been thinking all day
all midnight about you.

Everyone is asleep
leaving just the crickets here with me
The chill of coldnights
sinks deep within my skin...

As the memory of you
penetrates deeply through
This core of my heart
could ever contain more of you

As much as I wanna be in your arms
I just want you to be happy
As much as I wanna hold you
I pray that you'll find love that last
I'll just stand here in the distance
waiting at the corners of your life
hoping that you'll see something differently in me.

As much as I could... ...
Stand at a distance... ...
So near yet so far... ...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Miracle on a Cracky Sexy Voice Night

Another LONG post...bare with me yea. Just read it. =)

I was "dumb"...for 18hours.
Woke up on the wrong side of bed today, found out that I lost my voice...

"SHIT" was the first thing that came to mind.
I cant manage to loose it by today, because the song writing competition is today,
and I have to sing and play!
But initially I was quite calm and cool...thinking that everything would be alright...
Until 6pm... 2 hours before showdown...
I panicked and shed tears...(which is NOT cool at all...)

Deeply in me, I knew, this was no coincidence.
Its all a test of faith and patience.
Its whether I"ll have faith that I could pull it through,
and not fret when I face such condition.
But as humans, we are all weak. I really wanted to give up.
Listening to other contestants practicing and doing so well in their rehearsals,
singing their heads off...
Man, how I wish you could understand the devastation inside of me...

But I know, I can only wait and simply have faith, that my voice will recover.

In the end, I decided to sing it through.
"Come what may" ...thats what I could ever think of.
I know as I stand there singing with a cracky voice (plus a risk of running out of tune...)
alot of marks may be deducted...
But most important thing is not winning, but its about touching lives.

All ths while, my calling is to use songs to reach out to people.
and this is one great opportunity to do so.
Some people may notice, instead of asking "Do I sing well?",
I asked " Did that song touched you?"...
SO...I went up that stage with a cracky voice...
I really threw all my fears to Him.


You have no idea...
when I was on that stage...
there was nothing else but gratitude.
Everyone was quiet and still...
as if the world stops and listens to me...

Never once I was given an opportunity to sing my own song
infront of a large crowd.
This was SUPERB!!
Though it was pitchy, but in my heard I was like "WOHOO!! Yeah baby,rock the stage!"
It was cracky, yes...and I think thats the only "resentment" of the night. XD

Well, maybe it made me sounded more sexy??? hmmm....I wonder....


Now, we've come to the prize giving ceremony.
Though I told many that winning is not everything,
but me, I wanted to win.

Yes...thats how competitive I could get sometimes.

They started off with best performance
best song arrangement,
best lyrics,
most favourited performance...
even I didnt get a prize for best melody....

I'm starting to think that I dont stand a chance anymore.
I'm just an amature I guess...
or the judges dont fancy such style...
(there goes my conscious self)

Then 3rd prize...not me...
runner up...still wasn't me...
"GEEZ, maybe my song was that bad after all...MMM,its not about winning,its about the experience...take this as a great lesson...what to do? I've lost my voice, surely it had affected my performance..."

BLA BLA BLA...all sorts of -ve thinking invading my thoughts...
All my friends beside were shouting my name, and I cant help but to stop them.
I just cant bare the pressure anymore...

"And the winner is Jocelyn!"
Before I could stand up and scream,
a whole bunch of people had already scremed their lungs off the roof top!
Lol...I love those guys...always that hyper and LOUD.
But at that moment, I was totally shocked.

I couldnt believe myself until somebody pushed me forward.
I was in deep trauma. HAHA!!!
(as in positively traumatic)

Shaking hands with famous song writer/producer Guan Qi Yuan,
this was another cool thing to remember.
He whispered "You wrote a nice song."
OOO LALA~~~ my tail was wiggling all over the place...HAHA...
I was just...HAPPY...


Special thanks to these amazing people:

Yu Jie
for buying me bitter tea. Though it was horribly bitter, but I drank it all. And it really helped!! thanks bro!

for giving me some tips to recover my voice. Out of devastation I followed every step, and it did helped! Thanks too bro!

Yong Shuang
for so willingly agreed to be my replacement singer for the night. Though you didnt sing for me, but still, you action has spoke louder than words. I'm grateful to have you as a friend!

Eun Chong
My violinist! Thank you so much for spicing up the atmosphere. You covered alot for me, cz if it wasnt for your great melodies, my perf would appeared more cracky! You're amazingly talented!

Ying Chao
Partner, thanks for the pei pa gou and bread. I knew I can always count on you. Your care and compliments are important to me too =)

Chin Nam
for buying me more chinese medicine and drove me around. You're the best senior ever!

my Bro (Joshua)
for lending to me his expensive and awesome guitar!! the sound of it was just perfect!
The PTUM gang!
Ah K, Teng Hao,YuJie, Wan Yi, Mei Shi,Jun Kang,Ray,Ying Chao,Jeffred,Mei Mei,Mei Yi,Huey Wen,Ke Xin,Siew Fen,Shi Ling ...and all those who didnt came but spiritually supported me...I really LOVE YOU GUYS! I'm not exagerating but really if it wasnt for your LOUD and sincere support, I would have not had so much confidence in me. You guys made me realized that I'm not that bad after all...haha...its just overwhelming to see how you cheered and anticipate this whole thing with me. This competition means alot to me and so are u lovely people!

Eugene Ng (aka Sifu) and Wei Ci (dunno how to spell)
it was a great great great surprise that you actually came! It was a great encouragement too =)

Jess,Lyn Yee,Han Chong,Trista and Sze Hui
You bunch of crazy KMPss...thank you so so much for listening and supported me before this. I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys. and tonight you've shown alot of love to me. Thank you.

MeiYi and Siew Min
My opposite roomates. Thank you for taking your time to come! It means alot to me as well. Next meal is my treat. =)

Cloudfly and Pei Ying
Though you guys dont say much, but I can sense your care for me. Thanks to Pei Ying for advising me what not to eat, and what to eat...haha...and Cloudfly, thanks for being there too. =) Somehow your support encouraged me alot.

Ah Jia,Henna,Chuck
As usual, thanks for being there for me. Nuff said. =P

And also all those who supported and encouraged me. Gosh, I'm running out of vocabulary to use. haha...
I guess no words could really express this overwhelmed heart of mine. I'm just...oh bother....

Most of all, all thanks and glory be unto God. Really, you may not believe, but He made all this happened.
I've experienced so much and grown up a lil more.
I've learned to depend on Him, and know that He is the only one who can make the impossible possible.
Like the lyrics in my song (Kite) ...He is the string of the kite,
holding onto me, keeping me grounded whenever I'm in the storm.

This song is for Him
and truly He made me understand this song even better through this experience.
Truly, I could not write this song without God's help.


I gained a cracky sexy voice,
recognition and compliments.
Support, love, care, joy,
and a miracle from Dad above 


Saturday, October 9, 2010

Thank You For The Songs

Singing back the song I've written,
its just crazily overwhelming!!
I have no idea those words and melodies could just flow out from me that moment...
Its just as if... it wasn't of my own...

And true it isn't...
its from Dad from above.
Everytime before I write a song I'll usually make a simple prayer,
I pray that God would place his heavenly melodies into my heart...

and there we are...
TaDah! =P

Though I know my song may not sound appealing to some,
but I'm glad that so far many gave credits to those songs.
Many asked " How you wrote all these songs by your own?"
Well, so many times I wished I could answer : "its a gift that He has placed in me"...

But sadly if I do say that, people may not get it...
oh anyhow...

Still, I'm so thankful.
Overwhelmed by gratitude, warmth and peace.
I shall continue to write His tunes,
until the very last day of my life.

Thanks Dad. =)