The Other Side of Me...

Today you've found the other side of me...
You're afraid to see me being like this...its abnormal and torturous...
You hate to see me like this...

You said " I fear you"
in my heart I say "I fear me too"
=(   its not like something I can change within a spin or after a sunrise...
I wish there was a better way.

Sometimes,
I fear me...after shutting the doors behind reality...
I hate myself...for faking a smile, a laughter...
I disguised myself with layers of mask, clothings to cover something I'm hiding...
I disgusted my own voice, my own inspiration...me,myself and I...

I'm not some average robotic kind gentle generous gal...
I have my flaws too...
Will you accept me as who I am?
Or will you choose the exit sign?


As I shut the doors behind reality...
I fear to enter my fantasy...

My Lil Love Life (so far)...

Few more days to go and it's gonna be our 10th month together...

TIME FLIES!

(Seriously it felt like 2/3 months to me only)

Looking back, so many pages flipping by...

I must say we've been through quite alot lately...

There we have the good,bad and ugly times spent together...

Speaking about the ugly...

I remember there was once we really got into a "cold war",

and I've never ever seen him so mad before...

Turning his back against me just made me wanna run back and hug him tight...

Yet sometimes, pride is the factor which held us back...

Pride drew back the magic word "I'm sorry" away

But I really thank God that every time we fought or got into a conflict,

we're able to deal with it as soon as possible...

Each time I could see that he was afraid to hurt my heart and wants to make amends

So do I.

As cheesy as I would say: It was love that brought us back.

There was also the FUN and MANIS times...

From sharing our passion for music, performing, jamming, EATING (you can see how much i've developed in shape) and making funny noises in the car...

Zau is more than anything I can ask for a boyfriend and partner.

He's not just someone who laughs with me,

or do silly dances with me,

but he is like my family.

I'm grateful that he's so supportive in everything I'm doing,

always there to pray and cheer for me...

and he doest not resist to point out my mistakes whenever I'm wrong...

He meant well.

Music was the main factor that brought us together.

I'm always excited to be a part of his performances or practises.

Watching him play the guitar and totally enjoying music really vibes me up!

I love the fact that we pray together backstage before rocking it. =D

Also, I enjoy the times when we watched youtube together (whether its music related or 康熙来了) and exchange thoughts.

Then the best part is jamming out!

Whee~

From playing rock songs to jamming Beyond's song to singing Faye Wong's ballad,

(though rockers dont really sing ballads but...oh well)

those were great times =) 

I've found not just a good partner, but a music-lover lover. XD

So far this relationship taught me to understand each other,

to discover different sides of us,

to solve conflicts (which I hate for it to ever happen),

to care,

to be supportive,

to strive to be a better companion,

to express my affections not just to one another but to others too,

to get to know myself as well...

most importantly,

I've learned to love.

I know 10 months doesnt mean anything compared to 10 years,

and 10 years is nothing compared to eternity...

That's why I'm hoping for the better to come.

We're still in our baby steps in this relationship, 

yet i'm savouring every bit of it.

Every step is a lesson,

every leap brings growth.

Frankly I'm fearful of what may happen in the future,

but somehow my heart is rest assure that as long as we continue to trust

and work things out....

and lastly put our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ...

This relationship will stand strong through the worst storms.

I heart you silly guy. Meow!

A Wilted Rose

New leafs will somehow fall to the ground

Red roses will someday loose it's charm

It hard to live a legacy forever

or hold that polite mask infront of you.

Your true colours will be shown

somehow someday anyway...

So much rage and anger within

Oh how could I ever reach your heart?

When two subjective thoughts collide,

who are we to decide?

If the rage continues,

If we would just stay still

Not doing a thing, 

holding aback for each other...

We'll always be like a wilted rose

A wilted rose.