Few days ago my sister posted an article in our family Facebook page, and the title is
20 Things You Need to Let Go To Be Happy
There are a few things I couldn't let go in my life...in fact almost all 20 of them. (Except thoughts about my ex cz I don't have one)
But life is such a beauty when you are willing and learned to overcome these scars or vice in your life.
One of it speaks dearly to me is judgmental thoughts and approval of others.
Ok, make that two.
These two have been a strong poison and hindrance for me to make decisions and move on with my life. I must admit, I am a paranoid at a lot of times. Afraid of what others think of me, afraid of being hated by others, afraid of offending others....etc etc etc etc etc....
Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to guard the egg from falling, it will break somehow. Or even if it doesn't, the egg will hatch. Few months ago, I found out from a close friend that some other good friends of mine were complaining about me. I think it's more like gossiping. It wasn't pleasant to hear about it, in fact I was really really heartbroken. Just because they are really close friends and the last time such situation happened to me (2010), it got me into a state of depression.
But thank god, I didn't chose to attempt suicide like I used to. Also thank god for a great boyfriend who knows how to bring me out of the dark thoughts.
However, after overcoming those dark times, there were still unforgiveness in my heart because none of these heart feelings were confronted. And it remains as a wound in me.
Right now, facing challenging relationships with some people, the dilemma of my career path, the perception of others towards me (especially my future in-laws yikes) ......it's crucial that I don't let these negative thoughts get into my head. Having said that with much conscious, images of people slandering about me runs rampant inside my head now.
It's ok, because of all of these things will only makes me stronger. And shaped me into an enduring person.
We can't change people's perspectives of us, nor we can change the whole gossip culture.
But what we can do is not to do it or indulge in it. And always strive to be a better individual everyday.
I thank God for events such as these in life.
One more homework to do: To let go and move on.