Satisfy My...

Satisfy my soul

Warm windy wind

Satisfy my soul, 

won't you?

I am on a float,

head stuck in the clouds

Someone bring me back to ground

I am waiting     for you

to come around

And bring me back      to earth

Oh you'll always be there by my side

So I guess I'll find my way to you

Satisfy my

Satisfy my

Satisfy my

Satisfy my soul... ...

Sometimes people just hear, they don't listen

Wrote this song 2 days ago...

Mainly because I'm feeling very tired and loathe the demands there are from this world.

It is a realistic and competitive place

all of us know this fact...

and I guess this environment has shaped us to the person we have become today...

Many times they say

"Do whatever that is true to your heart"

"Be yourself"

"Do not care of what they might say"

Really?

Really??

I do not have the answers...

'cause I'm searching for it too...

Initially I took their word for it.

But then, they didnt took my actions into account.

There isn't anything I could offer them, it seems...

I tried to satisfy their souls,

but then... ...

... 

...

We all know the fact that we should not build our satisfaction on others...
but often times, I failed to not care of what people might think about me....

I hope people could just give me a nod,
a pat on the shoulder,
a hug,
a smile
a whisper saying " Thank you for your effort"

But the more I'm entering the "real" world,
the more I realized, people dont say thank you that much anymore...

"Where do I go?
Where do I stay?
Where can I find myself again?"
-------Where do I go by Relient K

I'm entering the final year of my studies.

And seriously, I'm terrified what may come.

Where do I go? What can I do?

For now, I can only hold on tightly on God's promises in my life...

what He has promised me since two years ago...

Maybe I can't write songs that could get people to bang their heads to

or dance around like Justin Bieber (0.o...seriously you wanna use JB as an example??)

But I hope I can find a platform, for me to sing songs for people who needs healing...

for those who are lost.

ジョセリン  がんばっくてください!!

=) 

Better Get Drunk With More Coffee

Gloomy morning

The sun is dimmer, maybe

I wonder why bad things happen to me?

Come on, lady...

Pack up all this nonsense

Keep the negativity out of your skin

Because

That's ok, 

The sun will still shine big

Upon our faces

Hook on a smile and face your day...

And if your friends don't speak

Just leave them be

There's more yet to see

The day will still move on

So why won't you be happy? 

End of new song.

And look at my emo face

Company is on a one week holiday

Yay for some people,

but I didnt took the time to go to further places in Taiwan.

Why??
1. Typhoon came (bummer)

2. Tickets were sold out

3. Trying to save money

4. I'm just finding excuses to cover up my foolishness...

It's been pretty quiet lately...

not literally but...connectively I guess...

Cultural and hospitality differences...

I guess I'm not VERY independent to be left out alone

and do everything on my own for good.

Well, if you know me well,

this really isn't how I prefer to be...

 If you can survive
1. Not being able to do what you love
2. Closed up in many situations, only being told last minute
3. Ignored
4. Faced with hard brick walls after countless of initiation to bond
5. Receiving "We'll consider and let you know soon" responses while you were trying damn hard to get to know others by asking them out...
6. Home alone 9 days...

Well, then you're much a better me.
I guess no.1 and 3 killed me the most.

This shot took me few attempts...proud of the outcome *lovin' it*

Oh well, its really not for me to judge or have a say on anything here..

I'm just a passer-by that might not make a difference...

I'm trying hard to find a place and trace to fit in...

Maybe I'm just too keen to be one of them...

Maybe it's better to be "independent" and leave things out of it...

and just mind my own business...

But really...that's not how I roll.

Think of the good side...

this gives me plenty of time to write, talk to myself,

and have a little "me" time.

And it's ok if I keep hitting into brick walls,
'cause I'll just trying until I meet a wall that's willing to open a door for me...
=)
Still keeping my hopes up.

Or...

Might as well, get more coffee

to drunk away this pessimistic feeling...

What Happened On the Brunch Table

When life gives you lemons, 

you turn them into lemonades...

When Taiwan gives you typhoon,

you turn them into plenty of time to kill...

Need not to explain too much, 

Typhoon came, 

plans to indulge myself in Starbucks failed,

so the best thing to do is sit and home 

and COOK.

Bacon, bacon, bacon...I repeat, its bacon, no beef bacon! 

This toast taste x100 better than Gardenia. =P



Have been into cooking lately,
that's because my house in Taiwan has a kitchen! 
Compared to outside food and hostel cafeteria ones,
home cook is da best! 
And one does not need much skills to cook something edible. 
I'm no pro in cooking,
I just like to "mix and match" in the kitchen. *winks*
Now who would like to try my home-cooked food??


Being here in Taiwan,
being a part of Teenagers Performing Arts League (TPAL)
I've been learning alot.
The culture, lingo, history...not to mention weather....
There are so much to appreciate,
and at the same time,
travelling made me learn to treasure my own country more. 

LOVE, even though when it's hard.

P/s: These are events that took place on the brunch table...

I can't see my title...

Facebook killed almost everything else on the web...
haha at least for my case it is...
I seldom blog like I used to when I was a teenager...

Wait...I was?

Damn~~

Anyways, it's super hot summer night here in Taipei. The hotness is unlike Malaysia's...here it makes you hot and sweat uncomfortably, and sticky sticky all the way. *Rubs off "daki"* HAHAH!

Went to Warner Music of Taiwan today, I know I made a big deal out of it in Facebook, but then....I really couldn't help the mix feelings inside me. It's that kinda feeling when you feel like crying but then no tears coming out ...= /

The story was like this:
I saw Mr. Guan (Malaysia's renowned producer/lyricist) posting on his status stating that he's in Taipei too. So, without expecting much of a reply, I still left a comment asking where he was. He then invited me to visit his company anytime. I was really shocked and excited about it. Imagine visiting Warner Music...I might meet a celebrity or who knows to my mayhem kinda imagination -- get a record deal??? *trolling in my dreams*

So, I took the trouble to go to the office. It was an hour's journey from where I worked to that place man...its like travelling from Kelana Jaya to Setapak, to and fro....haha. Good thing, Taiwan provides awesome public transportation, it was not that hard to find the place.
Then I was greeted sceptically by the counter lady. She really looked at me with a noble questionable look on her face. I could imagine inside her mind "Hey fanatic fan gal, this is not a ticket selling booth you know? Get back to your fan club..."
I really have mayhem imagination. She got me started.

Anyways, I called Ah Guan sir, he need to personally come out to let me in because the lady really didnt want to let me in! She didnt even wanna listen to my lousy nokia phone with Ah Guan sir on the line. Wth...=.=''' So arrogant.

SO here's the juice.
I got in. Yay for the 1st step.
Sat down with sir there...and to my surprise, he was there to talk music(business kinda music)
Wow great, I wasn't prepared with any demos, all I had was rough demos in my Ipad. He listened and thought I wasn't that ready yet. So he went talent hunting, infront of me!
Wow. Painfully honest man.
It's not his fault though. I was to blame too.

I guess he had second thoughts to sign me too.

So he kept asking me who else can write songs...etc
I still willing gave a few names...and he dug into it.
I'm glad that some of my friends gain recognition from him,
but in the same time, I was deeply impacted.

I saw a reality.
A harsh one.
If you don't work your butts out and deliver well, someone will be at the door step to take your place.
That's the case in this industry. Competitions are BURNINGLY FURIOUS!
And I felt the heat now.

Before this, I was still living the la-la-land life,
thinking that I can take my own sweet time to produce my own music.
Write whatever I wanna write.
And maybe one day someone will just discover me and turn me into something overnight.
That's what those sucker tv series teach us...and I bought into that lie.

High-rise-dream, I shall conquer you someday...

So, it was definitely a wake-up call for me.
I know before this I was kinda defensive when people (who works in the industry) pointed out that my songs  needs to be modified etc...
I thought that I know my music the best...
But it isn't how things roll here.

As a song writer, we gotta be open to any suggestions and advice. Change when necessary. Or else, you might loose a good chance.

But then there were motivational moments...sitting there having a chat with Ah Guan sir definitely motivated me somehow. He said " Who said that you have to write music to sell? You just need to write good music"
Haha...He showed some demos to me too, and it was hell of a crazy competition going on.
So motivation no.2 --> need to UP my game in doing my demos.
Motivation no.3 --> write songs everyday....like literally! My role model: Wu Jia Hui

Well, for those who read till the end here, congrats for surviving through this boring whiny post. Hope you are inspired somehow.
I am still in the shocked and depressed mode here, but I know I have to keep going on and improving or else, I'll just squander in self-pity and go nowhere. The world doesn't wait for us to pick up ourselves and slowly get back on our feet. We gotta keep up.

Thank God for a wake up call and a great chance. It's not like we could have the privilege to troll around Warner Music's office and get starred down by leng lui counter lady. Right?

I'm very much blessed. =)

Really didnt had the mood to take pics, so this is the one and only memorial pic I have for this journey. May I not smile like that the next time ( I believe there will be a next time)

Malaysia's Customer Services Needs Some Upgrading to Do!!

Yesterday,
on a sunny, not-too-hot-to-kill-you kinda warm day...
I took quite a troublesome journey to the Taiwan Cultural and Economic centre in Menara Yayasan Tun Razak, Jalan Bukit Bintang. This is because I have to do my visa for my upcoming internship in Taipei for 2 months starting July.
It was quite a long walk from the Bukit Bintang monorail though, tiring actually. haha...

Anyhow, sweaty and hot, my friend and I arrived at the office place.
And lo and behold, I was greeted by a lady in the counter with a sour face. As if she ate more plums than any of us does...
And as ALWAYS, being so insensitive to such early "warnings" emitted by this lady, I wasn't aware about what's the come next.

(Lady in red, and I'm in blue.)

“文件呢？都拍好了吗？” (where's your documents? are they well arranged?)
“好了”
“你没贴上照片，2张” (You have yet to paste your photos, 2 copies)

So I went to glue my photos on the documents, but I was kinda blur that time, plus she was giving vague instructions, I glued 2 photos of mine on the application form. Passed back to her...

“tsk, 小姐不是说贴在这里吗？！而且是贴一张而已！”
(tsk, miss, haven't I told you to paste it here?! And just one photo is enough!")

Guys, I'm not freaking kidding when I put the "!" mark here in the dialogue, cz she was literally raising her voice at me. Its the kind where you didnt do your house work when you're supposed to, then your mom would storm in your room and yell at your in an increasingly loud volume...as if someone is gradually turning up the volume in their throats...or lungs...or chest...whatever)

Truly I was shocked by her responds, cz that is really unprofessional. Yeah I know I did a mistake, quite an annoying mistake, but I'm the customer here and that is how you Taiwan ambassadors treat us? I feel that there is a rude attitude there. Clearly I was mistreated.

Blah!
Do you know what's the worse thing? I freaking didnt do anything to respond, but just stood there and go "oh ok...",
then couldn't-carelessly pluck out my ugly passport photos and stick on the counter table...

Silent protest I might call it...hehe.

And if you think this is only it, WELL WRONG!

I was be greeted by other unfortunately bad customer service events in Pavilion KL. The salesgirl in The Body Shop couldn't careless to look at me when she knew about my RM50 budget to get a gift for my friend. I find it rather discriminating. You might think I'm overreacting...but girls generally has the instinct to know when they are in the "kena stared down zone"...

Then in SASA, a salesgirl asked if I needed assistance. Though I did not intend to buy anything, I asked her to recommend a good liquid eyeliner so that I budget for one soon. She was tactical enough to show me around, then went straight to the point

*holding the liquid eyeliner, ready to send to counter*
"Anything else you wanna purchase,miss?"
"Owh, I would like to consider about it first."
" Is there ANYTHING else I can get for you?" *with the same starry-scary eyes again like Body Shop gal*
"Erm, can I look around first?"

The next minute, I could see her rolling her eyeballs while turning her back on me. It was still fine, I had met with so many such experience, where salesgirls treats us like their lil ignorant sisters who just wanna learn make up, as if we dont know anything. Ironically, I met quite alot of such examples in SASA. TROLOLOLOL....
Then I could hear her gossiping about another customer, aunty customer who was few rows behind me.
This scene got the whole out of me. It has been a very very very very bad culture for sales persons or anybody in any profession to react such a way to their clients/customers...not to mention infront of other customers....It's just plain rudeness.

Just like recently the PR fail incident of Paradigm Mall. (No i'm not trying to promote it..haha)
Even if the customer is annoying and disturbing, the management can't just screw people off like that (especially when the whole conversation is open for the public to witness)
Aiyooo...

save your time for something than bitching other bitches...*opps*

Not that I'm prejudice towards salesman/salesgirl or whoever related in such line, but I've gone through many unpleasant customer service such as this. I just hope I know how to respond well but then make my defence poisely without shrieking or ending up in a cat fight.

Is this the kind of culture in Malaysia? Where customers are intimidated by the salespersons and often they can't handle the rejection of the customers. Then they ended gossiping and bad-mouthing the people who dont wan't to buy their products/services. Clearly, Malaysia's customer services gotta UP their game more lorrrrrr.....

I've met with a consultant in London Body Management, who insulted my friend about us students being poor and undeserving of their services. Then when she met with another customer (rich aunty), she changed her egoistic attitude into an obedient puppy. Dramatic right? It was real life drama. *Oscar award for her please*

Having said that, sometimes I might fall into this category of people. Maybe not to customers but to friends and family. I'm glad THESE incidents acted as a good reminder for me. That is to NOT judge people or judge blatantly.

Quote from my friend, Malcolm, about judging:

We always say "do not judge a book by its cover", but everytime we look at a new facebook profile we'll automatically check out the photo section first. No photo, terus close tab.
Anyone check out the "about me" section? Or "favourite books"?

I am quite defenceless when it comes to such confrontational discrimination/judgement...sighs. All I usually do is write a song about it and sing those bitterness away. And not to mention, discuss with Mr. Gorian. Haha...he'll always enlighten me with funny comments and responds. Sometimes how I wish he'll be by my side when all these things happen. He'll probably blast the salesgirl's mind off with his consultant arguing skills. XD



What would Jesus do if he's there with me on the "crime" scene?
God please bless and extinguish their fiery hearts......



 and mine.

Factory of Faith

Ever had a feeling that you might be most capable of something,
yet its the thing that you want to do the most?
That moment of believing in the odds?

I'm standing in that cross road now.

It's not always easy to accept reviews/comments/opinions from others
which questions your ability to something that you die to accomplish.
Especially when it contradicts to your heart's desire...

Of course from a 3rd person's view provides a wider prospect,
as a Chinese proverbs says "当局者迷，旁观者清"
(literal translation: person in the situation is blur, while people outside the circle sees the big picture...)
In other words, the person involved in the issue has a more subjective view,
while the ppl standing outside might have a clearer/objective POV...

But it's not entirely true. Sometimes, in some situation, only the person involved himself knows what's best and what's true to himself.
Decisions made my oneself may not entirely be rational...

So, now I'm in a situation where a decision is to be made by me...
I'm gonna be honest, I want to sing this shizz badly...
yet without needing to ask anyone, I knew the responds or reaction beforehand...

"Rock song might not suit you..."
"Your tone is more for ballads or folk songs..."
"It's pretty hard for you to pull a rock song well, cz you're pitchy and unstable vocally..."
"There are more suitable and better candidates to pull off this song..."
"You gotta practise hard then..."

Those comments are entirely true. I have a relatively soft vocal and I had some recent shaky vocals, that even a famous music director asked me to take up vocal lesson for God's sake...
I have some weakness when I sing high pitch as I may divert a little...and now i'm joining a freaking huge competition---finals, it seemed like a huge risk to take.
I might be jeopardize the whole song cz of my shaky vocals....

BUT,
that doesn't mean I can't improve.

From the statement made above, I was....infact I am thinking negatively.
A good friend of mine told me "Gotta think positively..."
I gave a cold laugh to myself....cz I know if I were to think positively,
the decision I'll be making is not gonna please everyone.

To think JocelynStemilyn kinda positively:

"Soft vocals cant sing rock song? Please refer to Desert Chang (张悬), Tanya Chua蔡健雅, Marie Digby and the one most people like to compare me to...Penny Tai"
"I'll find a guitarist to play for me, so I'll just concentrate singing"
"With God with me, who can be against me?"
"There are many better candidates, but no one knows this song better like I do..."
"Yesh, I shall freaking practise my ass off for the next 2 months"

It's pretty scary I know...
yeah I'm bipolar...

Am I making an irrational decision?
From a technical aspect, it might be...
From an emotional aspect, it might not be...
I haven't come to very clear state of mind yet,
but what I'm really clear deep down now...I know I can pull this off...

Trust me, I still doubt the heck out of myself...
(told you I'm bipolar...)
but still...gotta trust that little instinct inside me...

Maybe if a year ago, if I decide to sing this song,
I might welcome people to slap me and wake me up from my crazy desire....
because back then I know I was rocky as a wrecking ship...

But today,
I've learned and come a long way....
maybe 365 days doesn't seem long, but I've gone through alot of training.
I guess the most significant growth I've experience vocally is singing in Station One Cafe...

And yeah some people laughed the hell off at S1 singers,
cz it is perceived that S1 singers are lousy....
But personally for me, at least so far I've learned to sing LOUDER
with better projection and stamina.
During the 3rd week singing there, I realized the big difference
and I was astonished....

Why?
Not a big deal right?

Here's the thing, I've always been building my confidence upon other ppl's opinions.
Even though I know God loves me and made me the way I am,
and I've improved walking away from living under people's view of me...
Still sometimes this feeling still grabs the whole out of me.
And when it does, I get to held up I'll fall into a state of depression.

It is that serious sometimes.
Though so, I've also learned to accept criticism and absorb the constructive ones...

ANYWAYS,
back to this singing issue....
I must really thank ah Zau for being a great companion.
He doesn't pamper me with beautiful bombastic praises but he does provide me the reality check.
and supports me still.
It is hard at times cz we might have clashes of opinions but understanding his point of view,
I know what is to be done...
Practise practise practise.
and could have a back up plan.

To you this might be a teeny mini problem,
but to me it's a huge deal of faith to me.
As how much it's gonna test my faith, strength, belief, and etc....

Quote from Red Hot Chilli Pepper's song...
"I got a factory of faith"

Pretty obvious what decision I'm gonna make,
hehe...what a me...
If I ever stumble and fall along the way,
if everyone doubts me,
I shall look to the one who made me
and gave this talent to me...

For all things are possible in Christ
and I believe in miracles,
I believe in Him. =)
He is my factory my faith!

"Tell your friends, I got a factory of faith...."

Not Born Candy

Stucked, constipated

cant stop thinking about this feeling

Stares and all those voices

keep telling me to loose my focus

i'm falling off the ground

of my own identity

lost and wandering in this candy world i think i'm living in...

Circled by friendly enemies 

Spun around by invisible hands 

and all i feel is nothing, 

feel nothing

I'm no candy bar

wrapped in fancy paper and laces

all I ever wanted is to be asure

of who I meant to be

Even when I'm not born candy

learning to love myself more