All My Fault

Haihz....sighs...

A young teenage girl frust over some typical growing up problems....

CONFLICTS...
it's really an inevitable process in our lives...
it's a must...

I wonder, all these conflicts that happened in my life...
is it entire my attitude problem? or is it because of someone else too?

I didnt mean to neglect or forget anybody...
I didnt mean to put up a fight...
I didnt mean to spoil the relationship
or to put a friend's effort to waste...

it's partly because of my ignorance
and not being sensitive to people's feelings...

or maybe it's just all my fault?
I'm just the devil all this while...
the best way is to just put all the blame on me and say sorry...
and like everyone likes to say: "Just forget about it..."

Huuuu, cant believe a supposedly great moment of gathering turned into a mess...
all because of my ignorance...

Burrrrrrr
=(

Lately...should I?

Lately, I'd been thinking...

what is life without love?
how would life be if everyone is really perfect...?
should I really be patriotic and just be like everybody else...?
just being modest and contented with our current achievements...
Am I appearing to be cocky or hot tempered?
Should I give consider...a request that I once rejected?

Hmm...if only wishes can come true within just a click...
We'll see what God has to offer as time goes by...

=)

The Hard Way...as usual....

Some people gotta learn things the hard way...
and I just gone through that...today....few moments ago...
So hard that it was as if a slap on my face...and the pain still so fresh...

Yet I know...I learned a very important lesson....

******

Lately,there's an unknown tension between me and a friend...
well,quite close I would say...
For the whole week, we didnt hang out as usual...no dinners or movies...
just dim and dry...
it's just unusual

I started to panicked....as usual....
My mind came up with all sorts of possibilities...as always...
and soon before I know, all sorts of thoughts about my wrong doings are flying all over...
in and out of my freaking mind...

You dont wanna imagine how horrible my thoughts are....
of course i'm still as normal as always...just emotional at the moment....

Then one day, a junior told me that she was following his car back...I thought it was fine cz there's still plenty of space...but then the other one told me that there's gonna be 4 people going back ...in his car....

I was like "What??? what the heck is this??"
as usual...the irrational side of me reacted and I was furious....like Vin Diesel in Fast and Furious...haha!
It's like a back stab...i mean how could he?

To cut it short,
he did asked me whether I would wanna take a ride home...and being realistic enough,I did.

hah

This afternoon,
I was so ready to slam this issue on his face....
readily sharpened my sword and waiting to sway it onto his lungs...
(forgive me, watched too much Happy Tree Friends...wahahaha)
But....
along the whole journey,he was warm and nice...
you know...all of the sudden talking and joking with me...
I was...frankly... shocked....

Well, thinking that was just part of his act in front of the juniors,
I decided to joined the "act"....
and just when I was hoping he would drop everyone...leaving both of us alone so I could enter to the "moment" i was waiting for, one of the junior insisted him to drop her off last...

Damn!
HABIS CERITA....

I thought that was it...you know,no more confrontations, no more truth to set me free...
BUT,then came my neighbour (one of the juniors) to my house after he dropped me...
she came to tell the reason why he was so cold to me...

And it was then I felt so guilty of myself....
thinking back, it's really my fault for throwing my tantrum at him
and not appreciating him for what he'd done for me...
It was really a slap at my face...and good thing I was awake this time...

I was kinda spoiled by him, cz he was always so flexible and "kek qi" with me,
so I guess I took advantage of the situation unconciously...
while pointing my finger at others, I didnt realize that I was no different from them...

Hey, we're all sinners anyway....kakaka....

And like what someone said...maybe it's fate that he didnt drop me off last...
or I wouldn't had known the truth...
cz he cant take confrontations, and he'll just keep quiet in the car while I spit everything out...which is very selfish of me to do that...IF i was given the chance to...

Hey,it's not fate either...it's God's plan...
I was praying for God for help...I just keep praying "I dont know what to do..."
cz I really dont know what to do but to panick and cry at night...
and maybe this is the best way to teach me some lessons about myself...

for being selfish
for being demanding
and inconsiderate

It's not the 1st time...
there may be still the 10,000th time....
but I promise myself to not let that happen...

I may fail
I may give in to my stupid crazy frenzy thoughts
but I know I will be more careful next time...

cz I'd learned the hard way

what a great Father I have...
=)

Tag

50 first reactions

This is called 50 first reactions. Type what comes to your mind first whenever you hear these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it!

1. Beer: bitter

2. Food: black pepper chicken chop or anything with it...

3. Relationships: BGR

4. Crush: David Archuletta

5. Power Rangers: "Go Go Power Rangers!"

6. Life: It ain't long

7. The President: Obama

8. Yummy: Auntie Annes

9. Cars: I need a new one...celica!

10. Movie: 2 fast 2 furious!

11. Halloween: Gothic clothes?

12. Sex: sperm and ovum

13. Religion: faith

14. Hate: fakers and those who use people

15. Fear: losing a close friend

16. Marriage:" you'll be my 1st and the last"

17. Blondes: dumb but pretty

18. Slippers: comfortable and conveniet

19. Shoes: purple gold NIKE

20. Asians: dont play play arr...

21. Past time: singing,dancing...crapping...=)

22. One night stand: stand all night under the lamp post...

23. My cell phone: Badly injured like the owner herself

24. Smoke: Johnny Yen

25. Fantasy: standing on a stage with millions of people listening to me sing

26. College: haihz...no chance to experience it now

27. High school Life: Memorable...crazy and wild!

28. Pajamas: singlet and Edwin boxers

29. Stars: "when I look at the stars...I see someone else"

30. Center: "You are the center of it all,the universe declares it all...."

31. Alcohol: XO bottoms up!

32. The word love: "L is for the way you look at me..."

33. Friends: "you make me laugh and make me cry, I dont know which side to buy"

34. Money: I need it alot!!

35. Heartache: agony

36. Time: "is ticking,time is ticking ticking away"

37. Divorce: not for me...uh huh...

38. Dogs: all over my hostel and they are my protection

39. Undies: G strings

40. Parents: moody but i love them!

41. Babies: like them when they're not crying...=)

42. Ex: i dont have one...

43. Song: melody+lyrics

44. Color: black

45. Weddings: nice dress, nice music, nice flowers by the peaceful river

46. Pizza: with lots of pineapples!

47. Hangout: Jusco?

48. Rest: SLEEP

49. Goal: be a blessing to many through arts

50. Inspiration: GOD...nature


Then, tag first 10 people that comes into your mind
*alphabetical order so no importance placed :P

Darios Ng
David
Dylan Woo
Henna Tan
Jessalynn Khor
Sam Chew
Serene Tan
Uncle Loh
Xiang Yi-Lulu
-+1