Revelation...

A friend told me
" When I read ur blog, seeing u ranting and being emotional....I feel like punching u on the face...*laughs*"
Sounds like a joking manner huh?
I was greatly offended.

Yes, I am emotional. Who isn't?
Everyone is just emo in a diff level and magnitude...
Everyday, I have to put on a smile, whether its faking it or really meaning it..
I cant really show worries and sadness to many cz I just dont have the RIGHT person for me to talk to...
So, blog is the few only places for me to BLURT everything out. SO yeah, it's gonna be more alot of inner thoughts and feelings.
Please, for u friends whose reading this...please, dont say that to me. Even if u feel that way, say it in a better manner. I admit I cant take such straight fowardness...

Anyways,
as nowadays I'm struggling with solidarity times...today I realize, it no longer is a burden to me.
I realized, that I actually need it.
I wasn't listening to myself and God all this while.
I'm always around ppl, around noises, around the crowd.
I listen to others...I follow them...
and I was loosing myself.

Really.

Lately these days, doing my quiet time with God is very diff.
I can listen to him loud and clear.
We made a promise that I shall take my mind off the going overseas issue for a week,
and we shall have a closure on wednesday ( which was yesterday).
Yesterday, God was clearly telling me to NOT WORRY, and to just play my part.
Do more research on other uni while I excel in my UM life,
and he'll take care of the results.

It was a totally diff experience I have with Him than b4.
While most of my floor mates were off to class this morning,
it was just silent in the bathroom....
Initially I thought "Well, another lonely day..."
and immediately I could hear him saying " Child,you need this. I want you to listen"
That voice brings a stream of warmth to me as it overcame the chillness of the cold shower.
I couldn't exactly explain the whole situation cz its more than words that I could describe.
All I know is that, I finally realized this whole transition process did not jsut happen...
while others could find clicks and close friends around and I'm vice versa...
I finally knew why.

Its not that God dont wants me to have friends so he can talk to me 24/7.
I have nice friends around, but I travel alone alot...which was not a common thing for me back in Perlis.
This semi solidary life has its purpose and timing.
Now I know.

Everyday while I walk pass the lake,
along the bricked pathway in the midst of trees...
that precious time of solitude is a time with God.
Being with/ talking with Him has always been peaceful and wonderful.
Maybe some might not understand this, bt its very real.

I'm just grateful...and touched.
Nothing happens by purpose/accident.
I know, I know maybe in the future i'll start ranting about being too busy
or wear out cz of the buzzling activities...
and I may get negative again...

But God is good and he deals with us patiently
He'll open up the curtains infront of our blinded eyes to see things
in a bigger picture.
I'm just so grateful that Father would bring me lesson by lesson so patiently
and lovingly.

Today is no exception.

May u be bless reading this.

As I read this through twice...so am I. =)