Another LONG post...bare with me yea. Just read it. =)
I was "dumb"...for 18hours.
Woke up on the wrong side of bed today, found out that I lost my voice...
COMEPLETELY...
"SHIT" was the first thing that came to mind.
I cant manage to loose it by today, because the song writing competition is today,
and I have to sing and play!
But initially I was quite calm and cool...thinking that everything would be alright...
Until 6pm... 2 hours before showdown...
I panicked and shed tears...(which is NOT cool at all...)
Deeply in me, I knew, this was no coincidence.
Its all a test of faith and patience.
Its whether I"ll have faith that I could pull it through,
and not fret when I face such condition.
But as humans, we are all weak. I really wanted to give up.
Listening to other contestants practicing and doing so well in their rehearsals,
singing their heads off...
Man, how I wish you could understand the devastation inside of me...
But I know, I can only wait and simply have faith, that my voice will recover.
In the end, I decided to sing it through.
"Come what may" ...thats what I could ever think of.
I know as I stand there singing with a cracky voice (plus a risk of running out of tune...)
alot of marks may be deducted...
But most important thing is not winning, but its about touching lives.
All ths while, my calling is to use songs to reach out to people.
and this is one great opportunity to do so.
Some people may notice, instead of asking "Do I sing well?",
I asked " Did that song touched you?"...
SO...I went up that stage with a cracky voice...
I really threw all my fears to Him.
**************************************************************************
You have no idea...
when I was on that stage...
there was nothing else but gratitude.
Everyone was quiet and still...
as if the world stops and listens to me...
Never once I was given an opportunity to sing my own song
infront of a large crowd.
This was SUPERB!!
Though it was pitchy, but in my heard I was like "WOHOO!! Yeah baby,rock the stage!"
haha...
It was cracky, yes...and I think thats the only "resentment" of the night. XD
Well, maybe it made me sounded more sexy??? hmmm....I wonder....
*************************************************************************
Now, we've come to the prize giving ceremony.
Though I told many that winning is not everything,
but seriously...trust me, I wanted to win.
Yes...thats how competitive I could get sometimes.
They started off with best performance
best song arrangement,
best lyrics,
most favourited performance...
even I didnt get a prize for best melody....
I'm starting to think that I dont stand a chance anymore.
I'm just an amature I guess...
or the judges dont fancy such style...
(there goes my conscious self)
Then 3rd prize...not me...
runner up...still wasn't me...
"GEEZ, maybe my song was that bad after all...MMM,its not about winning,its about the experience...take this as a great lesson...what to do? I've lost my voice, surely it had affected my performance..."
BLA BLA BLA...all sorts of -ve thinking invading my thoughts...
All my friends beside were shouting my name, and I cant help but to stop them.
I just cant bare the pressure anymore...
"And the winner is Jocelyn!"
Before I could stand up and scream,
a whole bunch of people had already scremed their lungs off the roof top!
Lol...I love those guys...always that hyper and LOUD.
But at that moment, I was totally shocked.
Really...
I couldnt believe myself until somebody pushed me forward.
I was in deep trauma. HAHA!!!
(as in positively traumatic)
Shaking hands with famous song writer/producer Guan Qi Yuan,
this was another cool thing to remember.
He whispered "You wrote a nice song."
OOO LALA~~~ my tail was wiggling all over the place...HAHA...
I was just...HAPPY...
*************************************************************************
Special thanks to these amazing people:
Yu Jie
for buying me bitter tea. Though it was horribly bitter, but I drank it all. And it really helped!! thanks bro!
Robin
for giving me some tips to recover my voice. Out of devastation I followed every step, and it did helped! Thanks too bro!
Yong Shuang
for so willingly agreed to be my replacement singer for the night. Though you didnt sing for me, but still, you action has spoke louder than words. I'm grateful to have you as a friend!
Eun Chong
My violinist! Thank you so much for spicing up the atmosphere. You covered alot for me, cz if it wasnt for your great melodies, my perf would appeared more cracky! You're amazingly talented!
Ying Chao
Partner, thanks for the pei pa gou and bread. I knew I can always count on you. Your care and compliments are important to me too =)
Chin Nam
for buying me more chinese medicine and drove me around. You're the best senior ever!
my Bro (Joshua)
for lending to me his expensive and awesome guitar!! the sound of it was just perfect!
The PTUM gang!
Ah K, Teng Hao,YuJie, Wan Yi, Mei Shi,Jun Kang,Ray,Ying Chao,Jeffred,Mei Mei,Mei Yi,Huey Wen,Ke Xin,Siew Fen,Shi Ling ...and all those who didnt came but spiritually supported me...I really LOVE YOU GUYS! I'm not exagerating but really if it wasnt for your LOUD and sincere support, I would have not had so much confidence in me. You guys made me realized that I'm not that bad after all...haha...its just overwhelming to see how you cheered and anticipate this whole thing with me. This competition means alot to me and so are u lovely people!
Eugene Ng (aka Sifu) and Wei Ci (dunno how to spell)
it was a great great great surprise that you actually came! It was a great encouragement too =)
Jess,Lyn Yee,Han Chong,Trista and Sze Hui
You bunch of crazy KMPss...thank you so so much for listening and supported me before this. I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys. and tonight you've shown alot of love to me. Thank you.
MeiYi and Siew Min
My opposite roomates. Thank you for taking your time to come! It means alot to me as well. Next meal is my treat. =)
Cloudfly and Pei Ying
Though you guys dont say much, but I can sense your care for me. Thanks to Pei Ying for advising me what not to eat, and what to eat...haha...and Cloudfly, thanks for being there too. =) Somehow your support encouraged me alot.
Ah Jia,Henna,Chuck
As usual, thanks for being there for me. Nuff said. =P
And also all those who supported and encouraged me. Gosh, I'm running out of vocabulary to use. haha...
I guess no words could really express this overwhelmed heart of mine. I'm just...oh bother....
Most of all, all thanks and glory be unto God. Really, you may not believe, but He made all this happened.
I've experienced so much and grown up a lil more.
I've learned to depend on Him, and know that He is the only one who can make the impossible possible.
Like the lyrics in my song (Kite) ...He is the string of the kite,
holding onto me, keeping me grounded whenever I'm in the storm.
This song is for Him
and truly He made me understand this song even better through this experience.
Truly, I could not write this song without God's help.
******************************************************************************
Tonight
I gained a cracky sexy voice,
recognition and compliments.
Support, love, care, joy,
and a miracle from Dad above
=)
