What A Merdeka Day [part 1]

August 31st...
Malaysia's 53rd Independence day...

Well, as far as i could dig my memory,

usually my 31st of August would be waving flags,

shouting, singing the same old songs every year,

marching...and aerobics...=.=

But this year was different.

1. This is probably my 1st time celebrating this away from Perlis

2. This time I was NOT actually celebrating it...as in, im not specially prepared to celebrate it.

3. Quite alot of "1st times" happened in my life...(including the top 2)

Waking up at 4am in the morning! Which was something so rare for Jocelyn to do...

but I just jumped off the bed, feeling so energetic...ready to conquer Broga Hill!!

So there we have, Charlie and Rachel talking along the way.

KL suddenly seemed so peaceful and AMAZING without the hectic jam...

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So, as we reached there, we started walking up the hill.

It was pitch dark and we could hardly see a thing...

good thing Grace brought alot of spare torch lights,

or else we all may end up crawling in the dark XD...

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It was crowded with ppl.

1st time I ever experienced climbing a hill with such crowd. I thought ppl hated to exercise???

HAHA...met some seniors there too...=.=

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Good thing with all the drama muscle training,

I climbed with ease throughout 3/4 part of the journey.

When I reached the 3rd peak, I was quite exhausted. More like...hungry than tired. lol

I felt like staying there for good and wait for the sunrise....

but I suddenly remembered something in my previous devotion...

"Where we are may not be a bad place, but we know its not where we're suppose to be"

So...with a lil of the "kiasu" spirit in me, I decided to finish The Climb...

haha...and waited for the sunrise...

The sunrise...not a great spot but this was my best shot.
I was rather encouraged when I realized alot of Christians were there to pray for our country.

Broga Hill can be the Malysian prayer mountain! yeah...

We live in a very fortunate and blessed country....its important we bare the burden to pray for our country.

Liz watching the scenery...

it was breath taking

Going downhill was definitely easier

and more relaxing...we can still sing and move around like monkeys...

Reciting poems from Shakespeare and what not... =D

Later it was BREAKFAST time!! oooh lala!

Maybe I was damn hungry....

so this pao tasted like HEAVEN at that moment.

Not to mention my fav....

Half boiled eggs!!! yummy!

That moment was like...paradise!

like angels were singing in my mouth...wooo

Just feel the taste of slimmy fresh egg slipping into your throat,

uhhh, mammia!

Despite how much I dislike the many system in Malaysia,

still, it is a very different country...

We were raised among different cultures,

our adaptability is better than other mono cultural countries out there...

Thus its not an excuse for us to say that

we dont know how to reach out to those who dont know God.

Wherever we go, we are able to relate to the 3 largest religoin groups of people in this world...

Islam, Buddhist and Hindu.

Prayer is a powerful tool.

I believe if we continue to pray and reach out,

Malaysia will become a blessed nation.

my day doesn't stops here...there's part 2!

Starbucks,its all your fault

Question:

Where do I gain the energy to be so hyper?

how come I can stay so bubbly and "drunk" all day...?

Ah...drunk is the word...

Answer:

COFFEE...

(craving for starbucks again!! >.<)

In You, We See Light

This post is gonna be a lil long...bare with me... =P

This pic makes me smile...

weird...

I make myself smile...lol

But true.

These few days has been an awakening

moment for me.
I realize how much I neglected the lost souls,

how insensitive I am to those who dont know the truth...

how ignorant I am to care and love for others.

I was living a selfish life...

everything was about me and my dilemmas...

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Just a while ago,

I joined the City Harvest Church midnight prayer meeting...

it was such a precious and beautiful moment with God.

I felt so close to Him.

God was doing alot of healing in me.

I realized I wasn't fully recovered from the depression I had few months ago.

Through zhong cai's incident,

tonight I suddenly understood why he ended his life.

Why he reacted so abnormally before his death.

I was in that exact position as him

4 months ago...

I was breaking down...wanting to end my own life...

I knew what it is like to cry so hard

till you just cant stop laughing at your own stupid self...

I know what it's like...

but I'm really really grateful

that I have Jesus Christ in me...

without His words and presence with me...

I would have ended up the same.

I remembered that night,

sitting outside the balcony of my bro's room...

feeling so hopeless....

truly thought that my world is hopeless...

I wanted out from this life.

But ironicaly, I was very aware that this life is not for me to end.

Miraculously, God sent his angels to the rescue...

it was Eu Wei.

Out of 300++ contacts in my phone...

the only person I could get through was him...

the line was so bad, i couldnt get to anyone at all..

He was the right person at the right time.

Eu Wei started trying to take my mind off things...

asking me questions and stuff.

Then he just listens patiently,

seldom comment, infact he encouraged me with scriptures from the bible.

Later,

I was meditating on psalms 36 for the next few days...

v7 " How precious is your steadfast love O God!

the children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings."

v8 "They feast on the abundance of your house,

and you give them drink from the river of your delights"

v9 " For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light do we see light."

In Jesus,

we see light.

The world we live in today is so dark,

so full of evil.

But we still have hope in God,

which is something that always amaze me...

this is something I'm so grateful about.

How I wish all my friends could share this delight,

joy and hope with me.

I wish they could see that Jesus Christ is the only God,

awaiting to embrace them.

Just now during prayer meeting,

as Pastor Kevin asked us to read any chapter in the book of Psalms,

I just randomly turn to a chapter...

and how coincidently...it was Psalms 36.

Again.

I was like WoW.

For with you is the fountain of life,

in your light do we see light.

God is reminding me...

that incident I had few months ago

and my friend's incident...

wasn't just something that wasn't suppose to be...

Like what dad always say:

"There's no such thing as coincidence...

but the will of God."

What I've gone through

is a tool that I could use to help those who are going through

the same thing as what I'd gone through b4.

and that I should care sincerely to ppl around me

especially the outcasted.

You never know whats going on inside a person's mind.

With the experience I had,

I could understand what they are going through

and help them out just like how God pulled me out from that drench.

I'm just so grateful for today's prayer meeting.

Grateful for being alive,

staying alive...lol.

Thankful for life

and what an awesome God we have.

May this post be a blessing to you all out there =)

R.I.P my friend

I really cant take this in.
He was once a close friend.
someone who knew God...someone who had hope in his life...
but now he's gone.

Just a few minutes ago,
in the midst of laziness and laughter...
Sean called " Zhong Cai has committed suicide. He has passed away."

I was like " what?!"
I didnt care whether ppl in the lobby was looking annoyingly at me that moment...
I just...hope it was all a joke.

But it isn't

Instead of the immediate depress or break down...
I was later filled with guilt.
So much so much guilt.
He used to have truth in him...
and now he might lost what that is eternal...

Man,thinking about this makes me feel like shit.

All he might need is a friend,
a crying shoulder,
a listening ear...
I know I'm sounding like a hypocrite right now...
but, I'm depress.

I just wish I have better words to describe myself now.
......10 years of friendship...and it just ended...like that.

There's just no time to waste.
Nothing we can do to change the pass.
He's gone for good.
All I can do now, is to make sure ppl around me doesn't end up like him.
and they'll get to find out the truth.
That great love for them that is yet to discover...
its just so sad some people dont see that.

There's just no time to waste.

风筝

终有一天我会飞出这小框
不再留给自己任何遗憾
摘下原本属于我的智慧，理智
配上一双叛逆的翅膀

风筝飞多高都有降落的时候
随风的方向飘流
有你在我背后默默地支扶我
你是那风筝的绳子

风浪混乱的节奏
使我迷糊了双眼
我渐渐失去了
当初伟大的看见

有没有任何人听见
我呼唤的声音
有没有人能了解我这无助的困境
求你伸出你双手让我再次体会
被你爱的感觉是如此的美丽

我是那小小的大风筝

Stay.Here With Me

I love movies.
I love stories that could reach out to your heart
and mend it.
Dear John is one of those movies.
wrote this song inspired by it

Rainy day,
I watch those droplets fall into place
I embrace
every bit of sunshine that's on your face

All I can see is the wonder
of you, in your eyes
I couldn't imagine what its like
when ur lips touches mine

oh baby please,
stay. here with me.
cant live without u
stay.here with me.

Now u're gone
I'm all alone waiting here for you
Its a Full moon now
are you missing me too on the other side?

When the Spark Burns and Emotions Flows

This world is beautiful with colours and sparks

I cant comprehend this feeling of wonder

So much to say, so much to tell,

all I can think of is to make a song

A song of praise

A song of worship

A song of simple melodies

singing freely in my own beat

I dont care what they have to say to me

hmm...

When the spark burns

and emotions flows

How could I ever not let my feelings grow?

Gotta outgrow this stage of my life

and just let the wind,take me...

When the spark burns
and emotions flows

I wanna dance away from the crowd

just with you, 2 in solitude

wont you touch me,hold me

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When the spark burns

and emotions flows......

I'm being loved by somebody

=)

HUGS

Hey dad,
how dy? Its 3am and i'm still here awake.
Knowing that i'll only be having 4 hours of sleep for the day, I just dont want to do so.
I hate to admit this but, I actually miss my family.
Its just rare but its true.

I miss the times I play and just be myself with Joie and Joanna,
talking nonsense and playing with dolls.
I miss the times just talking to mom about anything and everything...
I miss discussing and arguing political and scientific views with dad.

I miss my friends too.
More like I miss their company and hugs.
yeah...hugs...
thats my deadliest vice...in a way...
The squeeze, the warmth and love...
it always means a thousand to me...
and I miss that intensity of closeness.

I really hope I could not act independant for a day
and just completely be myself...
And just lie around with someone, spending time talking and lazing around.
I hope I could just hug someone whenever I want to
without feeling insecure or shy.
I hope that hug is secure and assuring.

I wish there's a beautiful sea nearby
so I could swim into the waters and just being sweep by the waters
and feel the warm breeze...
just like my time in Langkawi.
It was beautiful.

But one thing I like about UM...
despite there's no sea in the city...

there's a big lake =)

And there's u dad.

Despite all the changes, u never change.

In the midst of every DESPERATION,

I still have u.

Its funny cz no friend/people could ever settle my raging heart...

only when I pray to u.

In the midst of HUNGER and PAIN

u showed me the twist and turns in every story...

reminding me that every situation happens for a reason.

Even when things dont make sense,

it actually does make sense. =P

Though I cant see u,

I KNOW u are here and u're hugging me.

Though u are not literally doing it

but i could sense u're hugs so vivid.
U are here.

Thank you for being a great friend and father.

I love you

Revelation...

A friend told me
" When I read ur blog, seeing u ranting and being emotional....I feel like punching u on the face...*laughs*"
Sounds like a joking manner huh?
I was greatly offended.

Yes, I am emotional. Who isn't?
Everyone is just emo in a diff level and magnitude...
Everyday, I have to put on a smile, whether its faking it or really meaning it..
I cant really show worries and sadness to many cz I just dont have the RIGHT person for me to talk to...
So, blog is the few only places for me to BLURT everything out. SO yeah, it's gonna be more alot of inner thoughts and feelings.
Please, for u friends whose reading this...please, dont say that to me. Even if u feel that way, say it in a better manner. I admit I cant take such straight fowardness...

Anyways,
as nowadays I'm struggling with solidarity times...today I realize, it no longer is a burden to me.
I realized, that I actually need it.
I wasn't listening to myself and God all this while.
I'm always around ppl, around noises, around the crowd.
I listen to others...I follow them...
and I was loosing myself.

Really.

Lately these days, doing my quiet time with God is very diff.
I can listen to him loud and clear.
We made a promise that I shall take my mind off the going overseas issue for a week,
and we shall have a closure on wednesday ( which was yesterday).
Yesterday, God was clearly telling me to NOT WORRY, and to just play my part.
Do more research on other uni while I excel in my UM life,
and he'll take care of the results.

It was a totally diff experience I have with Him than b4.
While most of my floor mates were off to class this morning,
it was just silent in the bathroom....
Initially I thought "Well, another lonely day..."
and immediately I could hear him saying " Child,you need this. I want you to listen"
That voice brings a stream of warmth to me as it overcame the chillness of the cold shower.
I couldn't exactly explain the whole situation cz its more than words that I could describe.
All I know is that, I finally realized this whole transition process did not jsut happen...
while others could find clicks and close friends around and I'm vice versa...
I finally knew why.

Its not that God dont wants me to have friends so he can talk to me 24/7.
I have nice friends around, but I travel alone alot...which was not a common thing for me back in Perlis.
This semi solidary life has its purpose and timing.
Now I know.

Everyday while I walk pass the lake,
along the bricked pathway in the midst of trees...
that precious time of solitude is a time with God.
Being with/ talking with Him has always been peaceful and wonderful.
Maybe some might not understand this, bt its very real.

I'm just grateful...and touched.
Nothing happens by purpose/accident.
I know, I know maybe in the future i'll start ranting about being too busy
or wear out cz of the buzzling activities...
and I may get negative again...

But God is good and he deals with us patiently
He'll open up the curtains infront of our blinded eyes to see things
in a bigger picture.
I'm just so grateful that Father would bring me lesson by lesson so patiently
and lovingly.

Today is no exception.

May u be bless reading this.

As I read this through twice...so am I. =)