After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was...

Had so much time to spare yesterday,

so I came up with this Mistletoe inspired eye make up...

It has been so long since I played with make up since...i dunno when 

it was alot of fun just drawing on my face yet...

looking fab...whee! 

I bet when you read the title you might think of this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjn3RpkcKY&ob=av2e

Amboih...i'm not a fan but that song is quite nice...

Anyways,

 this make up is my symbol of missing people that you love during this festive season.

Christmas is about sharing,giving and the love of Jesus Christ...

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to celebrate this BIG day with close ones..

initially...=P

So, in the beginning I thought "Its gonna be lonely lonely Christmas for me"

and I might as well just squander in self-pity

and probably write some super emo song that might get my some attention on youtube

then who knows...become famous like Zee Avi??? 

The fantasy goes on and on...bla bla bla...

For 21 years of my life, this would be the official 1st time

I'm NOT celebrating Xmas in my hometown, Perlis...

and its also the 1st time I'm not doing performances or organizing anything

(before this I'm always really busy preparing programmes in church etc...)

BUT this year...its like a very relax and empty Christmas for me...

I felt so hollow and lost.

Worst still, my boy went off to a family trip...leaving me behind.

Just to let y'all know, 

I made a terrible prayer last year. 

Since last Christmas, I felt so exhausted and tired of the cliche programmes

and my parents trying to get my do everything in church...

its like the youth who stayed too long in the city has to do everything...

I felt kinda lost for the whole Christmas thingy...

So when I was on the way back to KL,

I made a prayer that by the following year (2011) I wanna have Christmas somewhere else!

and TADAH! 

Here I was, alone in my hostel. LOL

Be careful with what you wish for people...

But, God is good.

I have friends who have plans to do busking and invited me,

BBQ parties....

and the very very LAST MINUTE,

a text from Henna, my best friend who was back from UK.

wow...I'm not that alone after all.

You gotta understand one thing,

that although I've always seemed to be jolly happy and surrounded by many friends...

I've always have the thought that people just treat me as a sidekick..

you know, like the "kalefe" in the movies of their lives...

I never feel important in somebody else's life...

sometimes even to ppl damn close to me...

I'm still in my rehab process...

ANYHOW,

that's the secret to how I get my inspiration to write songs. HAHAHA!

EMO SIAL...

Getting to spend my Christmas eve night with Henna and the family

having pillow talks and watching TV,

teasing The X factor USA's host...

etc...I had a simple yet heart-warming Xmas eve.. =) 

LOVE!!

The next day, get to spend my Christmas at ACTS church

and the TAN families were there to gather together...

Serene, Henna and I got to gather together too!

Too bad missing out another bestie, Chucky!!

Oh well...

Just chilling out and spending the noon with them was awesome...

Unfortunately, time spent went a lil overboard,

I was late for the busking plan... aiks...

Hope there'll be one for next year.

All in all, 

this is not a very exciting blog about Christmas.

But quite a heart-warming one.

=)

Thank God for great people in my life 

and the love from HIM no matter what the circumstances.

This year, instead of hustling around and getting myself lost in business

I got to slow down my footsteps and reflect back 2011.

Embracing a better 2012.

Whee!

After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was extraordinary...

but I still miss my family at this time. ><''

The Other Side of Me...

Today you've found the other side of me...
You're afraid to see me being like this...its abnormal and torturous...
You hate to see me like this...

You said " I fear you"
in my heart I say "I fear me too"
=(   its not like something I can change within a spin or after a sunrise...
I wish there was a better way.

Sometimes,
I fear me...after shutting the doors behind reality...
I hate myself...for faking a smile, a laughter...
I disguised myself with layers of mask, clothings to cover something I'm hiding...
I disgusted my own voice, my own inspiration...me,myself and I...

I'm not some average robotic kind gentle generous gal...
I have my flaws too...
Will you accept me as who I am?
Or will you choose the exit sign?


As I shut the doors behind reality...
I fear to enter my fantasy...

My Lil Love Life (so far)...

Few more days to go and it's gonna be our 10th month together...

TIME FLIES!

(Seriously it felt like 2/3 months to me only)

Looking back, so many pages flipping by...

I must say we've been through quite alot lately...

There we have the good,bad and ugly times spent together...

Speaking about the ugly...

I remember there was once we really got into a "cold war",

and I've never ever seen him so mad before...

Turning his back against me just made me wanna run back and hug him tight...

Yet sometimes, pride is the factor which held us back...

Pride drew back the magic word "I'm sorry" away

But I really thank God that every time we fought or got into a conflict,

we're able to deal with it as soon as possible...

Each time I could see that he was afraid to hurt my heart and wants to make amends

So do I.

As cheesy as I would say: It was love that brought us back.

There was also the FUN and MANIS times...

From sharing our passion for music, performing, jamming, EATING (you can see how much i've developed in shape) and making funny noises in the car...

Zau is more than anything I can ask for a boyfriend and partner.

He's not just someone who laughs with me,

or do silly dances with me,

but he is like my family.

I'm grateful that he's so supportive in everything I'm doing,

always there to pray and cheer for me...

and he doest not resist to point out my mistakes whenever I'm wrong...

He meant well.

Music was the main factor that brought us together.

I'm always excited to be a part of his performances or practises.

Watching him play the guitar and totally enjoying music really vibes me up!

I love the fact that we pray together backstage before rocking it. =D

Also, I enjoy the times when we watched youtube together (whether its music related or 康熙来了) and exchange thoughts.

Then the best part is jamming out!

Whee~

From playing rock songs to jamming Beyond's song to singing Faye Wong's ballad,

(though rockers dont really sing ballads but...oh well)

those were great times =) 

I've found not just a good partner, but a music-lover lover. XD

So far this relationship taught me to understand each other,

to discover different sides of us,

to solve conflicts (which I hate for it to ever happen),

to care,

to be supportive,

to strive to be a better companion,

to express my affections not just to one another but to others too,

to get to know myself as well...

most importantly,

I've learned to love.

I know 10 months doesnt mean anything compared to 10 years,

and 10 years is nothing compared to eternity...

That's why I'm hoping for the better to come.

We're still in our baby steps in this relationship, 

yet i'm savouring every bit of it.

Every step is a lesson,

every leap brings growth.

Frankly I'm fearful of what may happen in the future,

but somehow my heart is rest assure that as long as we continue to trust

and work things out....

and lastly put our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ...

This relationship will stand strong through the worst storms.

I heart you silly guy. Meow!

A Wilted Rose

New leafs will somehow fall to the ground

Red roses will someday loose it's charm

It hard to live a legacy forever

or hold that polite mask infront of you.

Your true colours will be shown

somehow someday anyway...

So much rage and anger within

Oh how could I ever reach your heart?

When two subjective thoughts collide,

who are we to decide?

If the rage continues,

If we would just stay still

Not doing a thing, 

holding aback for each other...

We'll always be like a wilted rose

A wilted rose.

You,You,You

Put on my cherry red dress

and flowery socks 

just to brighten up my gloomy day

Yeah~

Walk in the middle of the rain

just to feel the cool cool shower

Let it wash my sadness away

The sun is gone somehow

oh why are there cloudy clouds?

Are they feeling the same as I do?

Oh come what may

I got my swagger jacket on

Gonna face this world with a winning smile...

My world would never ever be completed

if it's without

You, you, you...

coming through through through

In and out

turning my world upside down

And changed the way I feel

Towards this cold cold cold world

Now I wanna swirl swirl swirl

In the middle of the storm

where all the hurricane falls

down down down down....on me.

Saving the world ain't something easy

but your love will guide me through

You're the only one who can sail my ship

so how ever could I forsake.....

Dont Wake Me Up Tonight

Dont wake me up tonight
I will be sleeping tight
dreaming that I'll be alright

Daisies will bloom for me
Warm wind embracing me
They say that I'm looking amazing

I'll dream of a place unknown
With sweet songs and moonlight glow

Where joy and happiness flow

My boy will be by my side
Say that everything's gonna be alright
His love for me will never be a lie

 *Though I'm wrong
and always made the silly choices
Though I'm weak
and never put things right in place

I'm not perfect
There's always a hole inside my being
But I know I can mend my broken heart
with your love

You can mend my broken heart
with your love...

Dont wake me up tonight,
I'll dream a lil dream of paradise
You will be holding my hand,
and I'll be the best gal alive...

Holding My Hand

I wanna hold your hand

And count every little step with you

With you

I know it’s a long long way

But you are my sustaining fuel

Oh...

Maybe somewhere along this road

There’ll be storms and cloudy days

Between us

Maybe sunshine wont stay long

Yet behind every dark sky

Is a brand new day

Baby baby,

We will walk out of this

I want you to be the one next to me

Baby baby,

You got my word in this

I’m not perfect but I’m willing to try

And it’s ok,

I will never slip away

As long as you’re holding my hand.

I never thought my dreams would come true

It’s such a blessing to have you…

To have you …in my life

p/s: Any suggestions for a nicer title? Always have problems titling my songs...Hope to be able to record this into a decent song! Oooo yeah...