Factory of Faith

Ever had a feeling that you might be most capable of something,
yet its the thing that you want to do the most?
That moment of believing in the odds?

I'm standing in that cross road now.

It's not always easy to accept reviews/comments/opinions from others
which questions your ability to something that you die to accomplish.
Especially when it contradicts to your heart's desire...

Of course from a 3rd person's view provides a wider prospect,
as a Chinese proverbs says "当局者迷，旁观者清"
(literal translation: person in the situation is blur, while people outside the circle sees the big picture...)
In other words, the person involved in the issue has a more subjective view,
while the ppl standing outside might have a clearer/objective POV...

But it's not entirely true. Sometimes, in some situation, only the person involved himself knows what's best and what's true to himself.
Decisions made my oneself may not entirely be rational...

So, now I'm in a situation where a decision is to be made by me...
I'm gonna be honest, I want to sing this shizz badly...
yet without needing to ask anyone, I knew the responds or reaction beforehand...

"Rock song might not suit you..."
"Your tone is more for ballads or folk songs..."
"It's pretty hard for you to pull a rock song well, cz you're pitchy and unstable vocally..."
"There are more suitable and better candidates to pull off this song..."
"You gotta practise hard then..."

Those comments are entirely true. I have a relatively soft vocal and I had some recent shaky vocals, that even a famous music director asked me to take up vocal lesson for God's sake...
I have some weakness when I sing high pitch as I may divert a little...and now i'm joining a freaking huge competition---finals, it seemed like a huge risk to take.
I might be jeopardize the whole song cz of my shaky vocals....

BUT,
that doesn't mean I can't improve.

From the statement made above, I was....infact I am thinking negatively.
A good friend of mine told me "Gotta think positively..."
I gave a cold laugh to myself....cz I know if I were to think positively,
the decision I'll be making is not gonna please everyone.

To think JocelynStemilyn kinda positively:

"Soft vocals cant sing rock song? Please refer to Desert Chang (张悬), Tanya Chua蔡健雅, Marie Digby and the one most people like to compare me to...Penny Tai"
"I'll find a guitarist to play for me, so I'll just concentrate singing"
"With God with me, who can be against me?"
"There are many better candidates, but no one knows this song better like I do..."
"Yesh, I shall freaking practise my ass off for the next 2 months"

It's pretty scary I know...
yeah I'm bipolar...

Am I making an irrational decision?
From a technical aspect, it might be...
From an emotional aspect, it might not be...
I haven't come to very clear state of mind yet,
but what I'm really clear deep down now...I know I can pull this off...

Trust me, I still doubt the heck out of myself...
(told you I'm bipolar...)
but still...gotta trust that little instinct inside me...

Maybe if a year ago, if I decide to sing this song,
I might welcome people to slap me and wake me up from my crazy desire....
because back then I know I was rocky as a wrecking ship...

But today,
I've learned and come a long way....
maybe 365 days doesn't seem long, but I've gone through alot of training.
I guess the most significant growth I've experience vocally is singing in Station One Cafe...

And yeah some people laughed the hell off at S1 singers,
cz it is perceived that S1 singers are lousy....
But personally for me, at least so far I've learned to sing LOUDER
with better projection and stamina.
During the 3rd week singing there, I realized the big difference
and I was astonished....

Why?
Not a big deal right?

Here's the thing, I've always been building my confidence upon other ppl's opinions.
Even though I know God loves me and made me the way I am,
and I've improved walking away from living under people's view of me...
Still sometimes this feeling still grabs the whole out of me.
And when it does, I get to held up I'll fall into a state of depression.

It is that serious sometimes.
Though so, I've also learned to accept criticism and absorb the constructive ones...

ANYWAYS,
back to this singing issue....
I must really thank ah Zau for being a great companion.
He doesn't pamper me with beautiful bombastic praises but he does provide me the reality check.
and supports me still.
It is hard at times cz we might have clashes of opinions but understanding his point of view,
I know what is to be done...
Practise practise practise.
and could have a back up plan.

To you this might be a teeny mini problem,
but to me it's a huge deal of faith to me.
As how much it's gonna test my faith, strength, belief, and etc....

Quote from Red Hot Chilli Pepper's song...
"I got a factory of faith"

Pretty obvious what decision I'm gonna make,
hehe...what a me...
If I ever stumble and fall along the way,
if everyone doubts me,
I shall look to the one who made me
and gave this talent to me...

For all things are possible in Christ
and I believe in miracles,
I believe in Him. =)
He is my factory my faith!

"Tell your friends, I got a factory of faith...."

Not Born Candy

Stucked, constipated

cant stop thinking about this feeling

Stares and all those voices

keep telling me to loose my focus

i'm falling off the ground

of my own identity

lost and wandering in this candy world i think i'm living in...

Circled by friendly enemies 

Spun around by invisible hands 

and all i feel is nothing, 

feel nothing

I'm no candy bar

wrapped in fancy paper and laces

all I ever wanted is to be asure

of who I meant to be

Even when I'm not born candy

learning to love myself more

Dayao 2012 - The night of birdie superstardom

OK! So after all the older birds had shared their "peelings" about this glorious event. I too, as the younger bird would like to tell ma story.

Just in case some of you dont know, Dayao is an abbreviation for Da Xing Yao Lan Shou Ge Qu Fa Biao Yan Yi Hui (大型摇篮手歌曲发表演绎会)...and we members of YLS like to call ourselves Birds...you'll understand more as u read along...*chirp chirp*

 *

*

*

This year we named our concert I--Sync

cz it sounds like I-Sing

and we also want to express that we share the passion for music and performing with others.

So we synchronize our passion together...
(wow,what a way to put that...)

It took us approximately 4 months to prepare this event.

Being in the committee this year is a whole lot of stress compared to last year

where I was a fresh-innocent-nothing-more-to-do birdie

Ask all those who've been through their 1st years in Dayao...

it was like carefree, spoon-fed, 自由自在times...

because the senior birds would provide us the directions.

But yet this year 

I gotta take up the spoon to feed new birdies.

Dont get me wrong,

I've always wanted to snatch the spoon and feed myself.

haha

but it's a whole lot of hard work and brain cracking.

So its not as fun and easy.

In the whole process of meetings, dispute and solving matters,

I've come to realized that I've grown alot.

Through the struggles between ourselves and among other birds

there's so much human-relation homework to be done.

I'm not saying that I can graduate as a HR degree

but I've definitely learned to be more "slick" in handling issues with humanssssss

YESH, HUMANSSS

Would like to touch a lil bit on the opening act of the night,

if you missed it here it is:

Dayao Opening Act

I never ever in a gazillion years knew this would actually work.

Before this, we had some struggles with the dancer head, Pauline

as she had already choreographed a dance routine for the opening which kinda clashed with our initial plan.

So to solve matters, the singer group decided to give in.

We were thinking of slow rock, instrumentals...etc

but none of us seemed enthusiastic enough to fulfill it.

Until one day,

Zau shared a link of a guitarist playing Party Rock Anthem.

It gave me a confident push that we could actually do this! 

and I imagined a scene with accapella to start with...

In my imagination it's an awesome plan!

So I gathered the musicians and we all agreed to do this song (as it was our initial plan muahahaa)

But then we had a problem....not enough time.

Eventually we only practiced like 30mins in a band room.

and the accapella singers did like a few runs only.

And it doesn't seemed like a good plan anymore.

PLUS,

the dancers never worked with us before...it was all separated.

The nerves were coming in and I got all angry-birdie.

On the night before show down,

I finally got everyone from dancer,singers and musicians to gather up

it was tough cz all are exhausted and some facing exams...

So I gave a simple dance routine for all to follow.

It was a mess...

Some even suggested to just let the dancers shuffle.

But I stuck to my plan.

Not trying to brag,

but this is my side of the story.

Sure I would love compliments and praises of how great I've initiate the plan

but I wouldn't be able to done all this w/o the cooperation of everyone.

I've never been confident directing/leading something...

although I LOOKED confident

I've always have a "i'm just kidding" or "没有啦，讲罢了" punchline in the back of every sentence.

But that night when everyone listened to my instructions,

I was almost in tears.

Its like finding back that piece of confidence which I've never had.

So, thank you all who were in the opening act for trusting me

and giving your best shot.

Clearly it was a great success 

and the audience went crazy.

I know its best if we did our own compositions or less dances...

but I felt it was the most appropriate way to kick start the night...

Something that the audience can relate and party together,

Something that was rarely done,

where all of the dancers,singers and musicians just dance-out their nerves for the night.

remind me of high school musical:

we're all in this together....=.='''

It wasn't just a warm up for the audience.

It was a warm-up for all the performers, committee and myself. 

And one more song 

is non other than 纸船 (paper boat)

I've written 6 songs in this concert,

but this song though I have the least participation in it (originally by Cloudfly)

but it meant alot...like ALOT.

I've learned so much throughout the jamming process.

All I wanna say is,

when I was on stage singing this song,

I really felt like flying.

lolz

For those who saw me live,

I totally enjoyed every bit of it.

I knew I was gonna dance around the stage (though it wasn't a nice dance eventually)

so I took off my shoes and went bare footed.

and it symbolizes freedom

Yun fei and Jason,

Thanks for being such awesome seniors.

You guys taught me alot in music and tolerated with me when I didnt actually do my homework...

haha

thanks for believing in me. =) 

The only regret of that performance,

was that I forgotten to thank a special person on stage,

that is Jesus Christ.

cz without him, I wouldn't get the inspiration I have now

and wont be in this wonderful family and opportunity.

He deserves a big credit!

 Paper boat 

Throughout the dayao process, I've found a bunch of people 

who I could carefreely express myself and BE myself.

Cz they really accept me for who I am 

and have been true friends.

Too many people to list down and thank...

sorry if I did not mention you...you'll be in my heart =P

Superman ah Tiu

You truly are a superBIRD. So touched with your ability to withstand all these pressure and burden. Thank you for showing me what is real determination. If I could, i wanna give u a big hug now! XD

Tee Cherli
Touched by your art work. I love it to bits! Thank you for working so whole-heartedly.

Multi-task Hazel

Got to know you more this year, and I gotta say it again, you've improved a gigantic lot! Love your openness towards music and i like your company! You also very sampat one lor...haha. Proud to see you shine on stage.

Trista

Thank you for silently sticking to yao lan shou. =) I've always been grateful for having you.

Jessikakakaka

You make me feel warm each time seeing you. There's like a motherly lovingness emitting out of you each time i see you. Thank you for the hardwork

Raee 

"Lyn ! Lyn ah!" lolz...i secretly like that nickname though. (opps~) You shined more than anything this year. You listened to Farouk's advice and took it on your band. Good job! Keep improving! When wanna do cover??? lmfao

Carmen 笑

Same like your sir name, beneath you there hidden a siao person. hahaa...who likes to 笑 in a funny way. You have a pure heart and doesn't mind helping others. W/o you constantly reminding and posting stuff, i think the production group might have missed alot of things. And your singing is incredible! Love you to bits!

Man Fee's Xin Yi

You another one with pure heart. lolz. Touched by your hardworks. Its not a nice feeling when you're often forgotten as the producer of this event. But I'm glad you stuck up to your responsibilities and I give u credits for it! You're truly Lil Miss Sunshine and you had your moment too. =) stay true to who you are！

Louisa

My roomie says you look like Faye Wong. lolz. I've always been fond by your firmness in making decisions. Hope you could keep it rolling. haha. There are times where I felt that you've went out of focus but I'm glad you made a great job holding this post, its not easy! Thank you for backing me up too. =)

 Moh Theng HAH!!

Frankly, i'm jealous of you! You've grown so much in arranging and your skills. I believe you could be greater in time to come. You are also another innocent in heart gal, who prefers ppl to say penis rather than ****. So straight to the point and honest. =P Love your company during those stressed moments and all those nights of supper and chitter chats...phew!

BABY Guo Jing

haha! Though we seldom hang out and summore separate bands, but you've always give me this carefree feeling. haha. I'm impressed with the way you handle your band B. You guys did a perfectly well job. Every song was at its potential. =) Continue to write songs too!

Pauline Kpop

My bro kept saying u looked like Ga-in. hohoho. haha. At first I was pretty stressed out wit your determination to not change the opening dance. I considered you stubborn. But then, your point proved you right! I was impressed with the dances, and believe me I got all teary eyed when I saw your performances. It spelled hardwork. Sorry for my misconception though. Keep it up!

Japheth's YaShan 

I was dreadfully expecting myself to be the actress of 台北的街 mv! But then I have to shoot it so...yeah. ahah...but you did a fantastic job. I was like wow all the time I was shooting you. You have a photogenic smile which could make ppl stop and go WOW. ahah. You're a great person to hang out with. (japheth too...=P)

Bojio Cher Wei

I'm so happy for you as you finally redeemed yourself! I know there were some who doubted you, even i myself did. Yet your hardwork paid off! Keep the singing fire burning. Start writting more songs yeah =)  Thank you for always being there.

My partner in crime, Ying Chao

Zabor!! Your lyrics are getting better and better. Thank you for being so inspiring and supportive. Though we dont usually hang out but I love the connection between us. (Sampai buy same dress,aduhai) And i'm glad that you have the chance to shine in your own style this year. Hope we can write more songs in the future. =)

New bird Seng Zhi

You are a very talented guy. Thank you for coming back. =) 

Jared crazybird

You shocked me and impressed everyone of the night. Love that fire burning in ya! Thank you for being the next ah foo...in a more pop way. opps~

Raymee fierce-face-but-soft-heart

So grateful to have you in my band. You are one great talented drummer. Hope you could get a new set of drums soon! And keep improving,you'll be great! Thanks for being patient with me and sticking up for me many times. And though we had some dispute before but your openness helped to  put our friendship back together. Willl definitely miss you!

Jason handsome-japanese-face-but-strict-guy

Do I have to say that you are awesome? Awesome in leading the band and having all these ideas in your mind. And all your hardwork listening to diff kinda songs and creating something your own. Indie rocks! This will be the last last time we find u for help lar. Thanks for all the great experience. Hope to share more moments with OIC throughout my music journey. =)

Noah
Omg, you are the Jeremy Lin of UM! I rmb when I wasn't so sure about your bass ability...i was worried. But then when you came in and did your thing...you blew me away. You have a great gift and i hope you'll continue to use it for God's glory. =) hope you'll stick with us next year! 

King of all birds Mi Zen

You are like a daddy already lo...upgrade liao. XD Seriously I'm very touched by your love for yls and willingness to join in the young bird's nest. HAHA. no lar, just that you are very 亲民, like Lim Guan Eng. omg what am i talking about? Thanks for constantly reminding us stuff and giving us the space to grow our wings. =)

Chili padi Pei Wen

You dont say much,but you're always there! Thank you so much! You're like a big sis. =) And I've always love the way you dress. teehee!

Malcolm and Pou Pou

Thanks for all the great pictures and company. Know that you guys are busy with work/master, but taking time to do mv and take pics for us, thats awesome! I've always enjoyed your company and humour =)

Siang Xi

You ar....so strict. lolz. Thanks for teaching me alot about music and composing. I've changed alot of my perspectives and learned from my mistakes. I guess you're the few who always listens to my raw compositions eh? haha...Thanks a million!

Xinyi's Man Fee

You've improved! Too bad its your last year. but keep the guitar fire burning! Its time to write songs for xin yi! ahhaha

Neng See

You know, I almost cried when i saw you playing the drums back in Seikan's band room. You've played so much better. and sang greater. lolz. Someday i'll see you on tv? and maybe Rock corners?

Jie Yao

At 1st, I really sipek tak syok you de...Always comparing us with USM...but then when getting to know you in band C, I've come to understand you more. And you're actually not as bad as I thought. =) Hope we can work together soon. great stuff  u have there.

Keen Long & Daryl

Know that you two are busy yet took the time and effort to join us. Thanks! Love hanging out with you guys...yamcha more together...haha

Young birdies (you know who you are =P)

Keep it up ok!  I can see you all are a bunch of talented ppl! keep improving, upgrading, whatever it takes to be better. Keep the passion for music =) (gosh speaking like a mom)

Kenny 

Glad that you shined too this year and unleashed your R&B vocals! Happy for you! thanks for all the reminders and care for us younger birds

Kar hui

Thanks for all the effort you put in. All the travelling and fetching. It's time to change to a better babe yea? heheh

Cynthia

You are like a mom. lolz. ok...stop that. Same thing, you've been like a big sis to us and you're actually very funny! I'll still see you around next year right? XD

Ming Liang and Winson (and crew)

A big THANK YOU! and one more: You guys are incredible duo of adobe after effects genius!!

the Productive Non-production group (mandy, shinyee,danny,ken,jolynn,milo,my,peixing....)

Thank you for sticking to yls and you guys did a great job. Like seriously. Couldn't be more impress that ever! Hope to see you guys around next year. =) 

YB Wong Cung Zau

I guess if all of the world doubt me, 

you will be the only one who will stand by me

Thank you for countless nights talking me through the hard times and praying for me...

Love you to pieces! 

OMG....my blog so long dy. So long winded.

Its not the end for all of us. Our music journey wont end at Dayao as well. 

This is just a lil spark in the flame thats about to come!!

There's more to learn and more to be discovered.

Nothing much but gratefulness in my heart. 

We owned the night. =) 

After this superstardom night,
I know I've stepped a lil closer to my dreams.
Not just mine, but His.
God answered my prayers in the most humorous ways.
Just when I thought I would be in the west,
He placed my in the most humble place --->UM.
Just when I fantasized of singing in the streets of New York,
here I am starting off with a bunch of birds.

I know one step at a time,
I'll get there in no time.
=)

photo credits to:

Choong Fai

http://zeonchao.blogspot.com/2012/04/um-i-sync.html
and Grace Teoh

V-day (vol.2)

MORNING PEEPS!
*yawns*
Am in a very excited mode right now,

happy and grateful...

(Never felt so motivated to write a blog before...)

*sneaky sneaky*
Warning: this is gonna be a slightly long-winded post...but i guess gals love details and guys love the big picture...and i have both....so...XD

Anyways, let's get straight to the point, 

it was Valentines day yesterday and yeah, 

I had a blast!
It wasn't as "grand" like last year...

with all the dramatic U-turns to Port Dickson,

tryna fly a kite in mid night but failed,

yet oh-so-sweet confession valentines...
 

But I must say...

Mr.Rocker never failed to pull a trick out of his hat. 

It was expectedly unexpected!
*ironic I know* 

So let's rewind things back...

.

.

.

.

Wasn't feeling the Valentine's mood to be honest,

'cause like what HE said

Valentines day is sucking your money day! 

*true though*
I wasn't looking forward for candle light dinner

or bouquet of roses...

But I did look forward for a surprising and excited evening.

And like a hokkien saying:

"要大便才来找厕所"
describes me best.
It was 15 minutes before he came to pick me up, 

baru I panicked to decide what I wanna wear,

should I make up or not?

When I chose a black blouse, Miss Lau Chun Sia even sarcastically commented:

" You nak pergi hiking is it?"

LOLZ...
Roommie Mei Yi kept persuading me to wear dress,

even to the extend of pleading me to be more lady-like...

*guys, now you know more or less the chaos going on in a gal's bedroom*

IN THE END...

I just chose to wear a long cat-printed shirt with snake leggings...

Well since Zau is Mr. Gorilla-Lion,

why can't I be Miss Ca-Snake?
=P

Same as last year, he was late by 15.5mins,

but this time no surprising rose delivery to my door steps.
It's fine. *clutch fist*  

=)
Pulled down the passenger seat's mirror, 

No card fell down to my lap...

Zau gave me a cunning smile...

It's fine too...*sharpens knife*

 =)

All I saw by then was a packet of Twisties in the back seat.

Then, he handed me my camera left in his place few days ago

and then no more...

I was like: "takkan?????"
But then when I opened up camera bag,
there was THIS welcoming my very sight:

(yes, that's the Tina Fey Bossypants underneath...lol) 

He wrote:
"...recently listened to a great sermon by Pastor Kevin. ' Blue Jeans and Pink Sandals'..." 

I went ROLF!!
WHY??
1. The actual name of the relationship sermon is " Pink Heels and Blue Jeans"!
2. He was sweet enough to find a card that actually has blue jeans and pink SANDALS
3. He glued the sandals on his own.

Summore got love drawings from a rocker...

The rest of the details are P&C...
=X

After the laughs and jokes, 

he popped a question:

" So, what we gonna have for dinner? Tony Romas, Pasta Zanmai or Carl's Junior?"
In my heart sreams "CARL's JUNIOR!!!!"

But then to be more "valentines",

I said, why dont we go Pasta Zanmai???

But then when we went there, the counter person told us they were fully booked.

And I dunno why both of us were smiling widely to each other 

and happily headed to Carl's Junior...

It was our 2nd Valentine's date in CJ's...

So last night we officially declared CJ as our fav V-day spot. 

Baru kali kedua sudah syok sendiri sangat...

Somehow there are so many great memories between us in CJ...

Portobello Mushroom burger is my ultimate fav!
Look at 'em fries, slurp!

*the HULK bf*
"Dont snatch mine or I'll give you the fatal punch!"

Sweet enough, he remembered my favourite side dish,

ONIONS...muahahahah

See, its juicy enough from the pictures...what more when it enters your watery mouth

and starving tummy??
*paradise*

CJ...faster find me to be your ambassador! 

*pleading*

Too bad they were out of tea...

or else it would be double paradise. 

And I bought him a V-day gift!
Tickets to Avril Lavinge's concert!
Since her concert is on 18th Feb, 

which is also our 1 year anniversary, 

so this gift serves as V-day and anniversary gift...

一举两得...hehe
He was reluctant to receive it initially,

but with my sharp and intimidating stare, he "gladly" accept it.

See how he is blushing after getting it...
*evil gf grin*

SO,

last year he took to me Port Dickson...

I was thinking where else this year?

PUTRAJAYA!

One of my fav spot to be away from the hectic city.

According to Zau, they had their festival lights on last night...
So it was really a nice view there...

plus it was so quiet and peaceful there...

Cant get a nice view while we're under the bridge.
Paiseh...
The bridge changed colours randomly,

and while I was snapping pics,

Zau was observing the light systems
and every technical things that has to do with his electrical profession.
I love that quality from him actually...职业病 at his best...
*passionate man...i mean Gorian*

Imagine lar...its like going overseas 

or being somewhere else in Malaysia...

LOL...jokes.
But I do felt very different whenever I come to Putrajaya,

cz the streets are so NEAT (tak berlubang), 

and CLEAN.
Hardly found any rubbish on the ground, 

and even the street lights and traffic lights so artistic ler...

Got curves and designs...

unlike the mundane looking ones we see everyday. =.=
How I wish everywhere in Malaysia could be so nicely designed.
with all the façade and landscape lighting...etc
(saje nak show off technical terms learned from him)
=P 

Ok ok,

enough will all the dreaming and imagination...

and after all the walk walk and talk talk...

(macam orang tua tua sudah....)
We left the bridge cz too many ppl...lolz.
*sneaky sneaky*
He apologized for not preparing any presents,

and I actually bought into his lies...

*slams head*

Yes, I was disappointed and a lil grudgy 

maybe cz he did such a great job last year and this year was like down the sea in comparison...

(GUYS!! Better dont do so well initially, cz when the next year/time comes, 

you'll have to live up to your standards...ahahhaa)
But when we stopped in a quieter place,

he gave a sinister smile and said:

" Actually I got a gift for you lar, it's at the back" 

0.0  

Then you can imagine, fist and punches to his face.

(figuratively...not literally)
Proud of his success to fool me,

he pulled out this red-wrapped box to me.

He said it's breakable...
I was guessing:

Glass accessories?

Glass souvenirs?? (mind think too straight)
SMART PHONE???

Then, to my freaking surprise

.

.

.

IT'S THE AUDIO TECHNICA AT2020!!
 (for those of you who dont know, its a recording mic!)

I purposely dont wanna edit this pic cz wanna show you i was so touched till I struggle to take a nice pic
*denial XD*

Gorian awarding the ultimate gift to me!
He's in teary eyes...=P

For some people, you might think I'm being a lil too overreacting or high profile about this matter...
But for what you might not know, 

is that I've been craving for this since quite some time.

Last 2 weeks, while I was gonna  get the USB version of the AT2020,

I was 3 times stopped by the CK, SMX and Search Music sdn bhd salesman...

I was advised to buy a recording interface first then the mic with integral 3-pin XLRM type

(I'm also in my baby steps in this technical matter >.<'''')

Imagine coming this close to getting something you want,

and yet realizing that you're rushing things too fast

and there's a few steps to achieving it...

summore its all about the money money money...

(fuuuuyoh)
I was kinda desperate and down that time...

cz it's gotta take a few more months of saving up before I could purchase this babe...
And before I knew about this gift,
I spent away RM200 of my mic savings to buy Zau the concert tix...

So you can understand that in my heart I was having a lil battle.

But I couldn't bare to leave him alone at home for our anniversary. 

So I thought the mic could wait...

Ironically...

there it was, in my hands.

Freaking insanity to take in at the moment. 

He told me that this mic is part of realizing my big dream,

and it will be a blessing to people and myself.

So he invested and gifted it to me.

There was no teary eyes back then (now abit...)
but a great big smile on my face. 

To know that he spent RM 4xx on this shizz...

and all the trouble to get it...

wow...I felt so overwhelmed and grateful. 

(Tralalalal!!!)

To have someone sharing the same faith,

same vision 

and passion

is something I could ever ask for from God.

And they all come in one package...

Mr. GORIAN WONG CUNG ZAU!!

I suka giler you!

V-day,

yeah its money sucking day...

but it's also a day of pleasant surprises...

a special day to feel special again...

Who says it's overrated for the love-birds?

It is if you blindly fall into those commercial tricks...

V-day

was a time for me to flash back what we've been through the whole year,

the UPs and DOWNs,

Meows and cows...

and how on earth we got together in the 1st place? 

I'm blessed and grateful to find not just a bf,

a bff

but also a soulmate..

someone who knows me better than I do myself,

someone who loves the things I love doing,

someone who doesn't doubt me even when everyone and myself does...

an amazing guy who stands so firm for me...that I know I have a great friend when I'm in need.
and the list goes on enough for me to write a new song!
.

.

.

V-day vol.2,

not much sugar rush like last year,

yet sufficient amount of sweetness to make me get a tooth ache again.

Quote myself from last year:

"I believe 

that we will get better and better in time"

http://jocelynstemilyn.blogspot.com/2011/03/my-first-love.html

I heart you silly Gorian!!

Conquer Me

Kill me in my consciousness

and rip my heart away

take my soul and feed it to the preys

Many times i've stumbled

upon marshmellow stones

and it hurts so deep though there's nothing to bleed

Who am I to say

I;m done with this race

when you're still placing faith in me

Let the thorns tear my lips

Scattered glass pierce my skin

But I wont ever let the poison in

Its hard to take this harsh breath in

but I have the liberty to set myself free

from all these things

that wish to conquer me

Trapped

Stuck in the 16th floor

you got no where to go

With no water and food

its you on your own

And you cant break through the doors

cz the key aint yours to hold

Gotta find a way find a way

to breakthrough these four walls

I gotta stop lazing around my nest

gotta learn to spread my big tiny wings

Since i cant break through this door, 

why wont shall I fly away?

Maybe if I fall

someone may catch me and take me to higher heights

and I'll leave

the place I've been left behind

.

.

.

.

yet right now

this height is something I cant bare

still right nowI'll just sing untill my dear prince charming comes his way

After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was...

Had so much time to spare yesterday,

so I came up with this Mistletoe inspired eye make up...

It has been so long since I played with make up since...i dunno when 

it was alot of fun just drawing on my face yet...

looking fab...whee! 

I bet when you read the title you might think of this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjn3RpkcKY&ob=av2e

Amboih...i'm not a fan but that song is quite nice...

Anyways,

 this make up is my symbol of missing people that you love during this festive season.

Christmas is about sharing,giving and the love of Jesus Christ...

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to celebrate this BIG day with close ones..

initially...=P

So, in the beginning I thought "Its gonna be lonely lonely Christmas for me"

and I might as well just squander in self-pity

and probably write some super emo song that might get my some attention on youtube

then who knows...become famous like Zee Avi??? 

The fantasy goes on and on...bla bla bla...

For 21 years of my life, this would be the official 1st time

I'm NOT celebrating Xmas in my hometown, Perlis...

and its also the 1st time I'm not doing performances or organizing anything

(before this I'm always really busy preparing programmes in church etc...)

BUT this year...its like a very relax and empty Christmas for me...

I felt so hollow and lost.

Worst still, my boy went off to a family trip...leaving me behind.

Just to let y'all know, 

I made a terrible prayer last year. 

Since last Christmas, I felt so exhausted and tired of the cliche programmes

and my parents trying to get my do everything in church...

its like the youth who stayed too long in the city has to do everything...

I felt kinda lost for the whole Christmas thingy...

So when I was on the way back to KL,

I made a prayer that by the following year (2011) I wanna have Christmas somewhere else!

and TADAH! 

Here I was, alone in my hostel. LOL

Be careful with what you wish for people...

But, God is good.

I have friends who have plans to do busking and invited me,

BBQ parties....

and the very very LAST MINUTE,

a text from Henna, my best friend who was back from UK.

wow...I'm not that alone after all.

You gotta understand one thing,

that although I've always seemed to be jolly happy and surrounded by many friends...

I've always have the thought that people just treat me as a sidekick..

you know, like the "kalefe" in the movies of their lives...

I never feel important in somebody else's life...

sometimes even to ppl damn close to me...

I'm still in my rehab process...

ANYHOW,

that's the secret to how I get my inspiration to write songs. HAHAHA!

EMO SIAL...

Getting to spend my Christmas eve night with Henna and the family

having pillow talks and watching TV,

teasing The X factor USA's host...

etc...I had a simple yet heart-warming Xmas eve.. =) 

LOVE!!

The next day, get to spend my Christmas at ACTS church

and the TAN families were there to gather together...

Serene, Henna and I got to gather together too!

Too bad missing out another bestie, Chucky!!

Oh well...

Just chilling out and spending the noon with them was awesome...

Unfortunately, time spent went a lil overboard,

I was late for the busking plan... aiks...

Hope there'll be one for next year.

All in all, 

this is not a very exciting blog about Christmas.

But quite a heart-warming one.

=)

Thank God for great people in my life 

and the love from HIM no matter what the circumstances.

This year, instead of hustling around and getting myself lost in business

I got to slow down my footsteps and reflect back 2011.

Embracing a better 2012.

Whee!

After 20 years of cliche Christmas,the 21st was extraordinary...

but I still miss my family at this time. ><''