Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Semi Solitary Life

Sitting in the library,
alone sitting on the red squared couch,
reading love novel "Dear John" by famous writer Nicholas Spark...
For a minute I raised my head and realized...
this really isnt me.

Jocelyn is the kind that is loud,
surrounded by friends, seldom alone except during her sleep,
reading the latest camera magazines...
For that instance I was surprised,
why would I walk in the library alone to read such a novel in the 1st place???

Since coming in to University Malaya,
I learned to build a wall between me and people.
Its not a good thing, but it aint bad too.
I was too naive before to allow people to manipulate and take advantage of me,
now I have to learn to be firm but gentle at the same time.
So that I wont be exploited.

But building a wall is not easy either.
I cant help myself to stop talking about me..the inner me....
I guess i'm just hoping that someone would understand me...
someone would at least CLICK (there i use that word, which i try NOT to use...)
someone who would share the joy and sorrow...

I'm facing a major crossroad in my life.
Whethere I should continue pursuing greener pastures in overseas,
or should i just be contented?

But seriously, I"M NOT...
One time of a let down aint gonna break my dream off...
Im still on a fight...
but this fighter needs a willing ear to listen to her cries...
just somebody to offer a warm hug.

I need somebody who I'm not afraid to show my own flaws.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not being anti-social
but in this new perspective of my life,
I'm beginning to learn to be socially independent.
learning to lead a semi-solitary life


Unknown said...

hey ya,how r u now?

Jazzy said...

I hope you are able to be firm and gentle at the same time some day.Wish I'm there to give you some mental support. Not sure if this helps but Fiouna was once like that and she is firmer than she was. If she can do it You can too!:)

Darian Z. said...

You never have to change who you are to be enough =D

at any rate. If you need sum1 to spill d beans on and talk to well pick me pick me! you know my email address =D

Jazzy said...

by the way..Changed my blog URL. its my first name.blog........you know the rest..
and theres nothing wrong to want to be a better person

JoCeLyn SteMiLyn said...

aqua: i'm much better after talking to my father. =) thanks

jas:dont worry jas. its a transition process and im aware that i wil be facing alot of contradicting emotions inside myself...blog is one way for me to read back and reflect.Also,for me to release it out.

DArian: i dont know ur email add...=S hehe....thanks for standing by me