Monday, July 19, 2010

Getting Back Up. Refresh.

Finally back to bloggie...hmm pretty nice name to name it...bloggie...=P

Well, after the incident falling from cloud 9, i guess i should give some updates here...
Sadly, dad decided to not let me go to US...and we all know cz it's the financial problem. But one thing mom told me really strucked my heart. Am I mature and well enough to take care of myself?? Of course i'll tell them I can handle things myself...but as I'm starting my new life here in University Malaya, I realized there's a lot of stuff I cant be independent. Especially emotionaly.

Well, living in a not so clean environment is ok for me. I dont scream till the rooftop blows off when i see cockroaches...Im ok with eating malay food which rotates menu from week to week...i'm independent physically....BUT NOT emotionaly.

I'm just very sensitive to human relationships. A stare, a smile, a wink, a handshake, a speaks a thousand words to me. And my imaginaition factory up in the brain will start producing "films"....I get very self concious, nervous and anxious of what ppl will think about me. I seem to fail to learn about the "I dont care" theory in life. =/ I just...cant help it but to be sensitive to ppl.

So, imagine: Now I fly to US, land in michigan, enters Spring Arbor University, mixing with a lot of whites and blacks around. Cultures and customs are totally diff from the conservative Malaysian background. Ppl talk and behave in a diff manner......I dont know about you, but for me, in my imagination, I may get an emotional breakdown and go hysterical! not really. But I think the emotional stress in human relationships will be tougher on me. And at that moment, I"ll definitely miss home alot...and I'll finally acknowledge that dad was right all along.... SO yeah, as much i hate to admit this, i'm not prepared for US ...YET! =P There's so much moulding and stretching to be done in me.

God is a great director. He directs our lives in a very unexpected way. Ppl always say, if they predict what is the next scene, then that movie is a lame one....Same, if we know what God is going to do next in our lives, it's gonna be...BORING! He gives us some clues about what the next scene would be...just not exactly whats gonna happen. It's up to us to analyse and take the right steps. I...have to learn to take a step back and relax.

I'm very clear with my calling. But the road in the middle is blocked with a big bunch of mist. I cant see whats the next path. Guess, i'll have to wait for a lil longer for the wind to blow the mist away so i can see clearly...sighs....patience is one deadly killer..... =/

Another dilemma is...where should i head next? Some thinks I should just spend my 3 years in UM, mom believes Taiwan is a place for me to develop, I personally wanna learn more in US...So where's next? Only God knows. and I'll have to W-A-I-T.

Maybe there's a reason for me to stay back another semester here in Malaysia.

There must be...

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