The Truth

Its really ironic.I was suppose to post something EMO...
something very negative i would say...
cz i guess bitterness is filling my heart at these moments...
But at the edge of breaking down, I typed "I need something" on Youtube,and there I found Newton Falkner "I need something"
He's more of a gospel singer...cz most of his lyrics are christian related...
still,his songs just captivated my heart instantly...
No doubt,he inspired me to write a song...
Most importantly, i felt God. This is no incident...

Frankly,I doubted Him.
I sorta hated the fact that I'm living in this routined fixed life.
You cant do this,do that....
I dont wanna live in rules and restrictions

What I didnt know that I was being selfish
I wanted to draw back..
step out...
Live life my own way

Then life crumples,a lil....heheh
I experienced hatred and anger and bitterness more than before...
There's just no peace,just anxiety
(whether I earn enough,going to US is just a dream,i dont deserve to lead worship,my talents are just mediocre,i'm nobody to my friends)
What im trying to say is,
Really without God...without His wisdom
I really cant pull things out in my life alone...

Many times,we thought,
oh I did this,I sort things out,
it was MY idea, the song I written....
It's always about ourselves...our superficial self...
What we didnt realize or often dont wanna admit is that,
He gave us all the wisdom to walk through the rain
He gave us that extra lift while our feet almost fell into dark abyss....
What I didnt realized is that,those so called "rules and regulations"
are to restrain us from falling into the wrong company's hands...

Whether we know him or not,
whether we love him or not...
He is there.
Like some may say, they believe there's a God,
just not religion...

Well,I know this God I believe in,
is definitely real.
Too real that even I cant see Him,
I know He is right beside me....
Just as now...
And this is the only reason I cant manage to leave Him.

I wanted to leave Christianity
I wanted to leave church...
and this thought was just minutes ago...
but when you possess the truth...
even a thousand lies cant shake your faith...
Nothing.

I may question
or thinking of not believing anymore
but at the end of the day
I'll be coming back into His arms...