Breakaway

I'm hopeless.
Hopeless in need of love.
Hopelessly useless...
Hopelessly desperate devastated.

We are taught to have hig self-esteem
but the more people pay credit to me...
I start doubting myself

The more I like someone
I'll reluctantly turn away from them
keep a distance so he wont notice.
But inside I'm craving he would talk to me

I just cant escape from feeling this way
Feeling the need to be love and to love
I dont have the chance to get a hug from someone
that I'll be secure to throw my arms around and maybe...fall asleep
burr...

What am I thinking?
My devastation shows...and it's so pathetic.
so pathetic.
But ... I know this waiting process is a test.
Some kinda training from beloved Abba father.

All this while,
the guy I crushed/liked never felt the same way for me
I believe when that day
when both of us felt the same for each other...
it's gonna be....???
I dont know what word to describe

Well, in Jocelyn's history of pathetic crushes...
Never once I cried for a guy except for this previous one.
Let's just call him "Dudu"...yeah sounds so dumb and silly but it fits perfectly well for him...
Never once I got my heart so broken by someone so close to me
betrayed and fake...I cant believe I'd fall for someone so "poisonous"
While I felt so close to him, I didnt know that he actually...stab me with a knife from behind...
Never once I cried for a guy...
and thinking back...those tears were never worth shed...
He deserves not my tears...BULLSHIT....

and worse is...I cant even confront him...
acting like nothing ever happened...wow...
Jocelyn,since when you are so fake as well?
I guess we all live in a fake world
maybe this planet never even exist??? maybe we are not real...
the food we eat are just plastic and air...mix with mud...
WTH was I rumbling about???

I need to leave this bunch of people and
go somewhere else...
away away from this drench
away from this circle that is like mud water...so contaminated
away from him.

I need to breakaway