Turning Point

Its time to change my mindset.
I'd been lingering and "dipped" in self pity for this whole 3 months.
After what had happened and suck out most of me...
I unconsciously gave in the dark side, to just let all those negativity take the whole of me
and let those emotions becoming a habit...a bad one.

Until today, was watching Joel Osteen on TV,speaking about self value.
Immediately the title just stroke my heart, like "hey,it's about you Jocelyn"
and then came the slapping on the face part. It was a great time of healing...internally.

I realized,
I cared too much for what people have to say about me
I judged myself according to what others judged me...
Living under the judgement of others would only bring forth low self esteem,self pity and destruction to our inner being.
We gotta know and truly truly acknowledge that no matter what, God will always forgive us.
He will always redeem us from sin, and most importantly LOVE us...

We might not be valueble to others. But he cares and has more than what others could offer.

Dang.
I felt so stupid. I felt just absurd for blaming myself.
for squandering in self pity and shame.
I felt so worthless,as if I do not deserve to be loved by God anymore.
Like a hypocrite.

But He never gave up on me.
He placed so many wonderful people around me...always lending a shoulder to hold my heavy head.
He placed people to allow me to notice my weaknesses and flaws. So that I may learn and improve from time to time.
He allows my friend to say reject my invitation for a drink,so that I would sit in front of the TV,accidentally flip to the GoodTV channel and listen to His word...

I'm sorry for saying so much negative things here. Anyone who is reading this and read some previous post, I would like to apologize for all the negative ions I'd released here.
There are enough negative ions emitting from your PC, some more you'll have to bare with my negativity...yieks...sorry.

But I'd learn things,the hard way....as usual.
Someone as hard headed and "cow" like me should need some pain to trigger some sense in this brain of mine. LOL
Like my dad always say "When there's no way left to change a man, God will have to use pain ad suffering to grab our attention"
and I have to go through that... =P

No matter how a hundred dollar is squashed or wrinkled,
it's value will still remain the same.
SO no matter how I was crushed or rejected or...however you describe it in life....
my value in God will still remain the same.
I'll still be the apple in God's eyes...specially hand picked by Him to become what He wants me to be...

When I acknowledge that,
Allow Him to take control of my life and be dependent of Him...
Slowly He will lead me to my dreams and

I'll be like a bright star shining for Him...one of it's kind.

It aint easy to wake up...to get the blurness out of sight.

But God has his special way to get me fixed up.
Thank you Lord.

Still at shocked condition after the message...